5 effective ways to deal with unrequited feelings

Online dating has challenges as well as blessings, but what happens when you have unrequited feelings, when you like someone who doesn’t like you back? You find someone online who seems to be perfect, you build up excitement, you meet said person and they seem even better than hoped for, but then it’s like having a relationship with a brick wall. It can feel intense! Nancy Meyers put it well in romcom ‘The Holiday’: “And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.” How can you move on from this?

5 effective ways to deal with unrequited feelings

You so want it to work; You may meet up a few times and it seems really promising and you could even start falling for them, but trying to maintain or sustain anything with them is hard work…it’s all one sided. Just unrequited feelings. Emotionally, this can be draining, time consuming, causing anxiety and negative thoughts.

An ideal world

Effective ways to deal with unrequited feelingsYou think you’re in love, or the person seems perfect, but if they’re not responding or loving you back, it’s more than likely they are not the one for you. Maybe you are falling for the ‘ideal’ version of them and they are never going to live up to that. There could be a valid reason why the relationship won’t work – and it’s important to trust God in that.

Sometimes you’ll never know the reason, but God is very good at steering you away from disasters as well as steering you towards His perfect will. If things don’t work out, then God willing, He has someone better for you.

Quit playing games with my heart

In a relationship you should both want to see each other. It shouldn’t be hard work to maintain contact. You shouldn’t have to think “I can’t send a text because he hasn’t replied”. You should want to spend time in each other’s company, getting to know each other, enjoying each other. If someone doesn’t have time for you, then don’t waste your time. Hard though it is, it is best to move on.

I remember once waiting impatiently by my phone for a text as if I was at this man’s beck and call, willing for it to buzz with a text, fretting whether to send another, but then that would make me look over-keen. It eats you up…don’t let someone else take away your enjoyment of each day. Find contentment in God instead, who will never let you down and is always faithful.

Hand over your unrequited feelings

5 ways to deal with unrequited feelings The more you try, the more the other person shrinks away. It’s very easy to come across as desperate when you’re trying to keep a flame alive that wants to die down. If the other person didn’t like you romantically before, chances are if you try to keep going with something, it won’t change. It can quickly turn into an obsession over someone if you’re not careful.

It’s a fine line between liking someone and really trying to make it work, and getting caught up in not living your life because you’re waiting for someone who won’t reciprocate your feelings. A relationship should be equal in love.

Fill your mind with things of God, instead of waiting by the phone for that reply, feeling that deep pit of dread. Spend time with God, or find something practical to do to take your mind off the situation… a watched pot never boils and a one sided relationship sucks the life and joy away from you.

Have other interests

Busy yourself with ways to make you feel confident and take you away from staring at your phone! Find hobbies that you enjoy, and prepare you heart and mind for when you do meet the right person.

Get back on the wagon

By all means, eat the tub of ice cream, but don’t let this one example of unrequited ‘love’ or one sided response ruin your future dates. Things don’t work out for a reason. I remember when I had a crush on a guy and put in a whole lot of effort to make something work – it fell flat on its face because he wasn’t the right one for me. I was upset at the time but the timing was not right and he was not right – I would never have met my husband, or had my son otherwise.

In all of this, trust God. Try to focus on Him and not on the text that you haven’t yet received, or the meet up that’s been postponed again. Move on with Him, as He is always faithful and He is always present.

Source : Christian Connection More   

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Texts He Sends When You’re His BACK UP Girl!

How do you know if you’re just his backup girl? The girl that’s just there for him when there’s no one else. Basically, you’re... The post Texts He Sends When You’re His BACK UP Girl! appeared first on The Dating Directory.

Texts He Sends When You’re His BACK UP Girl!

How do you know if you’re just his backup girl?

The girl that’s just there for him when there’s no one else.

Basically, you’re a convenience for him and he has you on speed dial because he knows that he can have access to you instantly.

Well, there are actually several texts that he will send that will give an indication that you are his backup girl.

So if you want to know what they are, then this article is for you.

Texts He Sends When You’re His BACK UP Girl!

Hi everyone,  I’m Renee Slansky and I’m a professional dating and relationship coach. 

I want to tell you some of the specific types of texting and texting styles that a guy will send you if you are his back-up girl.

1. “WYD,” or any sort of abbreviations.

WYD obviously stands for, what are you doing? A man who can’t even string together a proper sentence to actually genuinely know what you are doing and how you are and how’s your day is a man who probably isn’t ready to put a lot of effort into getting to know you and wanting to romance you. 

I think it’s a really lazy way to text. If he’s lazy with texting you, then chances are he’s going to be lazy in other areas of wanting to date you and putting in an effort.

This might be because he’s actually expending his energy elsewhere into other girls, hence why he just wants to keep conversation really quick, simple, and to the point with minimal effort to try and get a response from you straight away, because it’s convenient for him right then and there.

2. The good old text, “You up?”

This usually happens at random times, usually late at night.

Just because he’s thinking of you late at night doesn’t mean that he’s in love with you and wants to build a relationship with you.

I personally think that a you-up text is more of a booty call if anything. Any sort of texting after 10 PM that isn’t sincere or isn’t caring is really a text for him to see if he can still have access to you at all times of the night.

Now, whether or not you then progress that into texting back and forth or going over to his place or having him come over to your place, well, really then just set the standard for what are the type of relationship that you’re building with him.
Either way, the fact that he thinks that he can just text you randomly in the middle of the night asking you the question and not even a full sentence, simply two words, you up, shows that, again, he’s not really to set time aside at a reasonable hour to actually get to know you and prioritize you.

3.  “Hey, how’s it going? Are you free tonight?”

Now, that might be really nice to have a text like that if you’re wanting to see this guy.

However, this text usually comes at every last minute. It’s not like he’s planning something with you in advance, or maybe you haven’t heard from him for a couple of days, and all of a sudden he’s asking you on a date.

For me, somebody who says, “You free tonight?” and comes across the really casual saying, “Hey, how are you? Are you free tonight?” Again doesn’t show that he’s really putting in the effort to actually try and take you on a real date.

Somebody who wants you to be his main girl, you’re a priority, is somebody who plans things in advance with you.

They say to you, “Let’s book something on Friday night,” or, “What are you doing this weekend? I’d love to actually take you on a date.”

Just because he sends you some random texts spontaneously asking if you’re free tonight doesn’t necessarily mean that he has the right intentions behind it.

If this is something that you find yourself getting caught up in all the time, where you get hung up on guys, where you attract guys that are just basically doing these sort of things that maybe are not actually able to recognize what the red flags are. 

So what I suggest is downloading my free cheat sheet, the red flag guide, or the red flag cheat sheet, and this will give you an indication of what you should be looking for to really understand somebody’s character and intentions when you’re dating them. 


4.” Sorry. I’ve been super busy. How have you been?”

We all get that guys gets busy.

However, if he suddenly texts you this after days of not communicating with you or you asked him a question and he never got back to you, and then two days later, he responds with that, well, I can tell you right now he’s either busy texting other girls, romancing other girls or he just really doesn’t think of you as a priority in his life.

Because when I say back-up girl, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there are other women in the picture.

Maybe you’re a back-up or your second when it comes to his work or his mates or other things going on in his world. Either way, you’re not a priority here. 

Somebody who sends you a text message excusing them not getting back to you days later saying they’ve been busy, for me, it’s a little bit of a lame excuse.

You can’t tell me that within 48 hours or even 24 hours you can’t find literally three seconds or one minute to text somebody back and respond to even to say, “Hey, I would love to talk to you. But right now I’m super busy. Can I call you later?”

There is a difference in a man who is able to communicate that he’s busy as opposed to a man who leaves you hanging and then apologizes for leaving you hanging saying he’s busy and then just expects that everything’s lovely and dandy.

We need to understand that communication standards with a guy should start straight away. That means that you don’t just keep responding every time he leaves you hanging for a couple of days pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.

Another way that you can tell that you’re his back-up girl, unfortunately, is this.

5. He drops emojis to you but doesn’t actually have a real conversation.

Maybe he drops emojis through texting to you like a little hot or a little fire symbol or some random picture. I don’t know. Or he does it on your Instagram where he comments on it, but not with an actual comment, just an emoji.

Somebody who communicates purely via emojis is somebody who’s probably being lazy with actually having a real conversation with you.

Emojis are convenient. Emojis are something that keeps things really light and casual. But if you want to be the main girl in his life, then things aren’t always going to be light and casual.

You want to feel like, “Hey, let’s have a conversation here. Let’s actually talk to each other. or pick up the phone and call each other and actually organize the next date.”

A guy that just drops hot emojis or love heart emojis on your socials or through your phone without actually initiating a real conversation, unfortunately, he’s most likely keeping you as his convenience call girl. 

6. When it says things like, “You look so hot,” or, “You look so beautiful.”

It’s very nice to have compliments like that. However, if he just does it randomly after you’ve posted a hot pic or are you’re sending him a hot pic, but then he doesn’t actually back it up with anything that is substantial or some sort of real date, meaning, a guy that says, “Look, you look so beautiful. When can I take you out for dinner again?” Or, “When can we make sure that we’re able to see each other again because I miss that gorgeous smile of yours.

Someone that actually has full-length conversations with some sort of commitment in there has a completely different intention, as opposed to someone that just drops a random comment and then doesn’t really allow it to go anywhere.

Or it starts to go downhill and it starts to get really sort of sexual in his innuendos and texting or becomes quite sexual, okay? We need to start identifying the difference here.

Not necessarily getting on the defensive, but really seeing, well, a guy that is interested in me, that prioritizes me, a guy that wants to build something with me won’t just leave me hanging, won’t just give me random compliments without actually following through what he means with those compliments, and if he does follow through, it’ll actually be because he genuinely wants to spend time with me, not just my body or my face. 

All right, ladies. I hope that cleared it up for you. Let me know what texts you get in the comments on my YouTube Channel. So that way I can help decipher them for you or my community can help as well. Don’t forget to get that red flag cheat sheet, which you can download straight away and have a look at to see what other things are popping up that maybe is an indication that you’re dating someone who really you shouldn’t be dating. Until next time, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Give me a thumbs up and I’ll see you, ladies, next time. Bye for now.


The post Texts He Sends When You’re His BACK UP Girl! appeared first on The Dating Directory.

Source : The Dating Directory More   

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