5 helpful ways to deal with annoying habits in relationships

When you first start dating someone, they might seem almost perfect. In the first flush of love, that person appears to be exactly what you were looking for and it’s hard to imagine anything about them annoying you. Then you start to notice... maybe they chew loudly, pick their teeth after a meal, or spend hours scrolling on their phone. Perhaps these habits are on your list of non-negotiables when searching for love – or are suddenly added to the list! Or it might be that some annoying habits pop up early on and an otherwise interesting person is ruled out completely before you really get to know them. That can be part of a very natural selection process - one person’s annoyance is another person’s lovable quirk – but it could also damage a promising connection. So, what should you do?

5 helpful ways to deal with annoying habits in relationships

Decide how big a deal their annoying habits are

If something annoys you early on, it will likely only become more annoying! Years down the line when the honeymoon period is over, you might wonder why you didn’t mention it before. Sometimes you learn to live with the fact they’re always five minutes late or sing louder than the radio! Sometimes it becomes a make-or-break situation and lead to a couple parting ways.

It’s important to ask yourself if you can live with it. Yes, it might change, but it might not! Talking about it is good, but how do you address it? How can you show grace but bring up the frustration or embarrassment you feel?

No-one is perfect

It’s important to remember we are all sinners. We all have flaws, so you will never find the ‘perfect’ partner. Only God is perfect. Let God fill the hole in your life that seeks perfection and then the flaws in your partner will not seem so all-consuming, teaching us God’s grace. Some habits will bug you but sometimes they can mould you into a more gracious person.

God forgives us our sins and in His grace He accepts us, warts and all. We should show that same grace to our partners. God does, however, expect us to change when we become a Christian to leave ungodly and harmful habits behind, but He is full of grace and forgiveness when we mess up.

If a habit truly bothers you, bringing it up with grace and love is the way forward, showing forgiveness when the habit is hard to break, if they want to try and change. God supports us through times of changing habits. We should do the same to our partners.

Remember you have bad habits too

How to deal with annoying habits in relationships and datingThere are things about you that annoy your partner – it works both ways. My husband has annoying habits, but so do I! I must show patience as it’s a give and take situation. What does it say about me if I flare up in anger when he bites his nails? It shows me that I need to control my emotions, be loving and remember: love is patient, love is kind.

Flip it round to ask yourself why it irritates you so much – is there something in your past that the habit triggers, is it a character trait in you that you need to  work on, or – if it’s early on – is it just first date nerves that will disappear, so bringing it up won’t help?

Think about your own actions and how they affect others. Being late looks like you have other priorities, being distracted on a phone looks like the other person is second best, biting nails makes the other person feel nervous around you, and so on.

Respect and love your partner; make them feel valued, appreciated and respected. Are your annoying habits making the other party feel valued or undervalued? That is a good benchmark for whether we should do something about it! Bringing it up with grace and peace is a good platform for difficult conversations.

Be discerning about what’s actually unsafe

There are some behaviours that are big red flags in a relationship and can not be passed off as ‘annoying habits’. An explosive temper, substance abuse, worrying behaviour with money, or disrespectful talk or actions are signs of something much more serious.

Having discernment in this is really important so that you don’t just accept something that will be harmful or abusive to you and so that you are not in danger. It is important that you respect each other in a relationship, and if that’s not present, ask why.

Sometimes these habits can creep in through the back door if someone has initially been charming, but other times they are more obvious. How you treat each other and how you let each other flourish should show respect, without putting each other down, or stamping out what makes you special, or causing physical or mental harm. Pray for discernment in this area and seek help practically if you need to.

How to bring it up

As with many situations in relationships, communication is key. Talking through the niggles really helps, but remember the fruits of the Spirit and the fact there are two sides to any relationship.

Try not to act in the heat of the moment. For example, me shouting at my husband when he is biting his nails is not going to help, nor will grabbing someone’s phone so that they’re not distracted on a date! When you’re frustrated by an annoying habit is not the right time to bring it up as it will turn into an argument.

Instead, be patient. Pray first, hand it over to God and then  lovingly bring it up. Let there be a mutual respect so that if something really annoys the other, there should be a desire to change, just as being a Christian should make us want  to live in a different way from the world. Seek to make your partner happy, loved and not aggravated or made to feel second best to the habit.

Seeing things from your partner’s perspective helps you deal with the habit, whether it leads to bringing it up or working through it personally with God. Above all, pray and hand over the frustrations to God. He’s the one that can deal with them and change lives.

Read more dating and relationship advice from Christian Connection bloggers.

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4 Important Questions To Ask A Potential Partner

What are the Most Important Questions to Ask a Future Partner? The thought of finally being with the person you love is both scary... The post 4 Important Questions To Ask A Potential Partner appeared first on The Dating Directory.

4 Important Questions To Ask A Potential Partner

What are the Most Important Questions to Ask a Future Partner?

The thought of finally being with the person you love is both scary and exciting. Scary because it’s going to be a lifetime journey with that one special person and exciting because there’s a whole lifetime ahead of you both to explore and build together. 

However, before you get into that journey with a potential partner, you should ask your partner some important questions.

These questions are inexhaustible as it mostly depends on what’s important to you. Here are some of the important questions you could ask.

 

Questions About Health

It’s vital you know the health status of your potential partner. While personality can be observed, health-related questions have to be asked and possibly verified with a test result.

You not only need to know the health status of your potential partner, but you also need to know if you’re compatible with them. These are some of the things you need to ask to verify.

 

Do You Have Any History Of STDs?

Does your potential partner have a history of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) like genital herpes, for instance? Has it been properly treated? You can find on how and what to ask regarding this kind of topic.

 

What Are Your Scariest Sex Fears?

The sex topic is one that most people would shy away from discussing but would instead just act it out. However, if you have hidden  or fantasies, it’s best to tell your partner about them and ask questions that can be discussed and settled.

 

Have You Checked Your Genotype, Blood Group, And Rhesus Factor?

Compatibility is essential to having a great relationship with your partner. To decide your compatibility, you need to ask for their genotype, blood group, and of course, rhesus factor.

The common genotypes include AA, AS, and SS genotypes. You and your partner’s genotypes must be compatible if you’re planning to settle down and have kids. For instance, An AA genotype is safe with an AA, AS, or SS, but an AS, on the other hand, has to be careful with an AS and should avoid an SS. 

 

Questions About The Person’s Personality

Knowing your potential partner’s personality is surely crucial to having a smooth relationship with them. It also helps you understand what to do when there’s a disagreement. Some of the questions to ask about their personality include:

  • Who Are You When You Are Tensed?

Knowing who your partner is under pressure will help you understand them more. Are they usually angry? Or are they calm? Will they transfer aggression on you, or will they resolve challenges calmly?

Will you be able to talk them out of the situation, or should you excuse yourself till the issue is resolved? All of these will help you know the best way to relate with your partner when they’re tensed or under any pressure. 

  • What Are Your Love Languages?

Knowing your partner’s love language/s helps you do things that make them happy. However, you have to find out what their primary personality is before you know their love language.

You can simply ask them if they’re introverts or extroverts, or you can observe them and find out this information yourself. 

They’re most likely introverts if they love indoor activities more, deep thinkers, and intentional actors. On the other hand, if you find out your partner prefers the outdoors, is spontaneous, and is very cheerful, they’re most likely extroverts.

Now knowing their primary personality will help you when you’re asking for their love languages. More so, knowing your love interest love language enables you to love them rightly.

 

Questions About Life Goals

  • What Are Your Short-Term and Long-Term Goals?

Knowing your potential partner’s personality and health status is great, but you also should get to know their goals. Understanding their goals and plans will help you know if your personal goals can fit in.

After all, two can’t work together except there’s an agreement between both of them. It’ll help you focus as a couple and reach your goals faster. This will ensure individual fulfillment as well as team fulfillment. 

  • How Do You Fit In Exactly To Accomplish Those Goals?

It’s important you don’t assume you’re needed in fulfilling your partner’s goals. So, it’s always best if you ask ons about where you fit in.

Your own goals are as valid as your partner’s and could be sufficient to pursue individually.

But if your contribution would be needed to fulfill your partner’s goals, you should discuss whether or not you would be willing to give that contribution and how that will likely affect your relationship.

 

Questions About Finances

Finances are a major consideration when choosing a potential partner and could determine how you relate and handle the challenges that will come during the course of the relationship.

This is why it’s extremely important that you ask your partner questions regarding finances. Some of the questions you can ask include:

  • Are You in Any Kind of Debt and How Do You Plan to Pay Up?

This type of question could sound embarrassing, but it’s essential. You don’t want to get married only to discover that you’ve inherited a major debt by marriage without a solid paying back plan.

This could distract couples from achieving any goals together and could be a major source of constant disagreement.

Not only should you know if there’s a debt, or how much the debt is, you should also know the payback plan and how long the payment is going to be. When you’re privy to all the necessary information, you would know how best to help your partner.

  • Is There Going to Be A Joint Account or Individual Account?

This is another financial question you should ask and prepare for. Some couples may prefer to run a joint account, while others may want to have a separate account. 

Now, your partner isn’t like most couples and may have a different idea about how family finance should run. It’s important to listen to your partner’s opinion and not assume they would want a joint account or a personal account.

This won’t only prevent unnecessary financial challenges in the future, it could also be a bedrock for solid financial family financial plans.

 

Conclusion

Asking your potential partner important questions will save you from many future heartaches and will help you enjoy your relationship to the max.

It’ll also ensure that if there are disagreements in the future, you know the right approach to resolve them. It’s always best to know to have an idea of what you’ll be dealing with before making life-long plans.

This, of course, takes a lot of intentionality and foresight. The three discussed questions aren’t all you can ask, but they’re a good place to start. 

The post 4 Important Questions To Ask A Potential Partner appeared first on The Dating Directory.

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