5 simple ways to disagree well

We’re all different and have different upbringings and outlooks on life, so it’s completely normal to have disagreements from time to time. Whether you’re in a relationship, or just getting to know someone, a time will come when you’ll find that you’re not on the same page, or you just have different views on a particular matter. What do you do when this happens? Jump ship? Decide the friendship or relationship is worth more than a (small) disagreement? It’s not fun having disagreements with people we care about, but there are some simple ways to disagree without losing the relationship. Here are five tips on how to disagree well.

5 simple ways to disagree well

Try to see things from the other person’s point of view

Usually when we disagree with someone it is because we can only see things from our perspective. And usually, we believe that we are right. But the issue is that the other person thinks exactly the same way- they believe that they are right as well! So, to disagree well, try to see things from the other person’s point of view.

How do you do this? Imagine you were the other person, with the same kind of upbringing, and life experiences. Imagine that you went through everything they’ve been through. If you can slow down and allow yourself a few minutes to think like them, you may begin to see how they could think the way that they do.

When you listen, try to understand rather than to be understood

I’m sure you’ve heard this before. Most times, when we have a different viewpoint from someone, we just want to get our point across. We want them to understand where we’re coming from and we don’t care about where they’re coming from. But, if this is someone we really care about, or someone we’re trying to build a relationship with, we must learn to listen to understand. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 verse 5, that love does not demand its own way (or, is not self-seeking). So, instead of trying to bulldoze your way and get your point across, take a step back and try to understand.

Think of the bigger picture

5 ways to disagree well - Christian dating relationship advice Ask yourself the question- ‘Is ‘losing’ this argument really worth losing this relationship over?’ Is it really that big a deal? If the relationship is important to you, then it shouldn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. One of the things I’ve learnt in marriage is the importance of ‘picking my battles’. My husband and I don’t disagree too often, but like most couples, we are different and have different ways of doing things.

Now, again, like most people, I love to be right and usually want him to accept my way of thinking. But I’ve learnt that that is too much effort, because, guess what, he also thinks he’s in the right! As you can imagine, I soon learnt that not everything is worth arguing about; some things, I can just let go off. Most disagreements are not worth the hassle, if we consider the bigger picture.

Think before you speak

Write things out properly so that you know what points you want to put across. Slow down and take your time. Many a time, people say things in the heat of the moment that they don’t mean, or find that they cannot articulate themselves well enough in the middle of an argument or disagreement.

If this is you, then take the time to think about what you want to say before you say it. Write it down if you have to. Don’t just say everything that’s on your mind in the hope that you will get the other person to see your point; express yourself in a calm and gentle manner. The Bible says in the book of Proverbs 15 verse 1 that ‘a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’. So, think before you speak.

Agree to disagree

At some point we have to accept that we will not always see eye to eye with someone. It is completely OK to agree to disagree, so that you can move on, and avoid going round in circles. If what you’re arguing about is something you don’t think you can compromise on, then you may decide that the relationship is not for you. Or, you may decide that you’re both adults and each person is entitled to their opinion, and even though you disagree with it, you can live with that. It takes maturity to let go but agreeing to disagree means that each party can leave without feeling like they’ve ‘lost’.

As humans we are different in so many ways and it is inevitable that there would be times when we just don’t see eye to eye. But, we don’t have to lose a relationship over a disagreement, especially if it is something that is not that important. If we try to see things from the other person’s perspective, listen to understand rather than to be understood, think of the bigger picture, think before we speak and sometimes just agree to disagree – or disagree well – we are well on our way to building healthy relationships especially with those we care about.

Source : Christian Connection More   

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5 effective ways to deal with unrequited feelings

Online dating has challenges as well as blessings, but what happens when you have unrequited feelings, when you like someone who doesn’t like you back? You find someone online who seems to be perfect, you build up excitement, you meet said person and they seem even better than hoped for, but then it’s like having a relationship with a brick wall. It can feel intense! Nancy Meyers put it well in romcom ‘The Holiday’: “And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.” How can you move on from this?

5 effective ways to deal with unrequited feelings

You so want it to work; You may meet up a few times and it seems really promising and you could even start falling for them, but trying to maintain or sustain anything with them is hard work…it’s all one sided. Just unrequited feelings. Emotionally, this can be draining, time consuming, causing anxiety and negative thoughts.

An ideal world

Effective ways to deal with unrequited feelingsYou think you’re in love, or the person seems perfect, but if they’re not responding or loving you back, it’s more than likely they are not the one for you. Maybe you are falling for the ‘ideal’ version of them and they are never going to live up to that. There could be a valid reason why the relationship won’t work – and it’s important to trust God in that.

Sometimes you’ll never know the reason, but God is very good at steering you away from disasters as well as steering you towards His perfect will. If things don’t work out, then God willing, He has someone better for you.

Quit playing games with my heart

In a relationship you should both want to see each other. It shouldn’t be hard work to maintain contact. You shouldn’t have to think “I can’t send a text because he hasn’t replied”. You should want to spend time in each other’s company, getting to know each other, enjoying each other. If someone doesn’t have time for you, then don’t waste your time. Hard though it is, it is best to move on.

I remember once waiting impatiently by my phone for a text as if I was at this man’s beck and call, willing for it to buzz with a text, fretting whether to send another, but then that would make me look over-keen. It eats you up…don’t let someone else take away your enjoyment of each day. Find contentment in God instead, who will never let you down and is always faithful.

Hand over your unrequited feelings

5 ways to deal with unrequited feelings The more you try, the more the other person shrinks away. It’s very easy to come across as desperate when you’re trying to keep a flame alive that wants to die down. If the other person didn’t like you romantically before, chances are if you try to keep going with something, it won’t change. It can quickly turn into an obsession over someone if you’re not careful.

It’s a fine line between liking someone and really trying to make it work, and getting caught up in not living your life because you’re waiting for someone who won’t reciprocate your feelings. A relationship should be equal in love.

Fill your mind with things of God, instead of waiting by the phone for that reply, feeling that deep pit of dread. Spend time with God, or find something practical to do to take your mind off the situation… a watched pot never boils and a one sided relationship sucks the life and joy away from you.

Have other interests

Busy yourself with ways to make you feel confident and take you away from staring at your phone! Find hobbies that you enjoy, and prepare you heart and mind for when you do meet the right person.

Get back on the wagon

By all means, eat the tub of ice cream, but don’t let this one example of unrequited ‘love’ or one sided response ruin your future dates. Things don’t work out for a reason. I remember when I had a crush on a guy and put in a whole lot of effort to make something work – it fell flat on its face because he wasn’t the right one for me. I was upset at the time but the timing was not right and he was not right – I would never have met my husband, or had my son otherwise.

In all of this, trust God. Try to focus on Him and not on the text that you haven’t yet received, or the meet up that’s been postponed again. Move on with Him, as He is always faithful and He is always present.

Source : Christian Connection More   

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