6 helpful tips for dating after divorce

It might sound negative to talk about dating after divorce - or even divorce - on a Christian dating site but the reality is that many of us know the pain of divorce yet truly desire a marriage which is ‘till death us do part’. I’ve travelled this road. Married in my mid-twenties, I found myself alone in my forties when my husband left me for someone else he had become involved with. I then spent several years as a single person before meeting and marrying a lovely man who had been through his own difficult divorce before we met. Here’s what I found helpful to consider about dating after divorce along the way:

6 helpful tips for dating after divorce

1. Remember divorce can happen to anyone

‘There is no such thing as the 100% divorce-proof marriage, just as no matter how healthy your life habits are, there is no guarantee you will never get cancer.’

This is incredibly important to realise if your self-esteem is left crippled by a loved and trusted partner abandoning you. This isn’t God’s judgement on you or the marriage. For a start, “Any human bond is ultimately surpassed by our individual identity as a much-loved child of God,” as one divorced woman of faith expressed it.

It’s also worth bearing in mind the conclusion of a renowned investigative journalist who made a documentary on divorce: “People throw away perfectly good marriages all the time, often for what appear to be very selfish reasons.”

But I am in absolutely no position to judge anyone. It seems to me that anyone choosing to read this, whatever any past actions, is someone who still values marriage, hoping and believing that a new beginning can be made possible by a new heart and a new spirit (Ezekiel 36:26). Isn’t that what our God is all about?

2. Do the emotional groundwork before dating again

Accept the investment in time it will take to begin healing, so that any wounds aren’t so raw they infect new relationships. There also needs to be ‘clear blue water’ between one relationship and the next, i.e. don’t date until a marriage has been legally ended.

In your search for healing make use of whatever resources you find helpful. Books written by people who have been through a similar experience help you realise you are not alone even at this loneliest time of your life. My go-to book at the time was Jennifer Croly’s . There are divorce-recovery workshops and courses, counselling, and therapy. Do what it takes.

3. Do things for yourself as a single person

Dating after divorce - advice from Christian Connection blogI found doing things just for me a useful way of reminding myself that I was no passive victim, but a woman worth spending time with, even if sometimes, it was just me spending time with me.

One friend looking back on the years following divorce from her first marriage recalled, “I don’t mind admitting that I bought a lot of clothes! I had a style and colour consultation, joined different groups, went to films and concerts if I saw something that interested me. I decided that if I wasn’t prepared to do these things on my own, then life would pass me by and I was not willing for that to happen!”

By doing this you are sending a message to yourself that you matter, you are worth bothering about and getting to know, which is a healthy mindset for starting dating after divorce again.

4. Ask yourself some important questions about the future

If some changes to your current life were necessary as part of a permanent relationship with someone special, would this be acceptable to you? Would you relocate? Adapt your lifestyle? Give up or take on new work? It’s worth trying on some of these ideas for size and seeing what your honest reactions are.

Do you have children to consider, or can you accept someone else’s children? It’s essential they feel loved and have time dedicated to them, just as you do for a partner. And when the moment for first meetings arrives, you need to feel confident a partner is stable and trustworthy enough to be introduced to any young ones.

5. Work out your boundaries for dating after divorce

Dating after divorce - Christian Connection adviceHere are some ‘Dos and don’ts’ for dating after divorce that worked for me:

Do keep early dates light and cheerful. Ranting about your ex is not appealing and suggests you’re still too deeply invested in a previous relationship to engage properly in a new one. If and when you grow closer, a time will come when it feels natural to share more about the past and what you’ve learnt from it.

Don’t be tempted to mentally plan your entire future with someone on your first coffee-date. If you’ve been through a hurtful divorce the fact that someone is interested in you can make you throw caution to the winds, so take it gently. Over-eager can be as off-putting as not bothered.

Do be flexible and open-minded – for example, I’ve heard people say, “I couldn’t go out with a salesperson!” without even looking at their photo or reading their profile – but respect your core values.

Don’t date people who are not yet legally divorced. The main reason is that your romantic interest may not be fully emotionally available to you. There is also the danger you could become an unwitting pawn in the divorce process.

6. Remember ‘Kairos time’ vs. ‘Chronos time’

During my own single years it was all too easy to wonder if ‘it’ would ever happen. That’s when I discovered the New Testament has two words for time: ‘kairos’ and ‘chronos’. ‘Chronos’ time is quantitative and linear, whereas ‘kairos’ is more qualitative, a sense of something coming to fruition at the right time. It could be translated as ‘God’s timing’.

As my husband-to-be had decided not to date until his son was more or less grownup, we didn’t meet for a number of years after our respective divorces. I’m glad I hung on in there. So take action, venture out there, and trust in God’s ‘kairos time’.

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The Bizarre Relationship Between Sleep & Your Semen Levels (Wish I Knew This Sooner!)

Click Here to See 5 All-Natural Foods That Can Give Nearly Any Guy Larger & More Pleasurable Orgasms (You Probably ... Read more 579 Views The post The Bizarre Relationship Between Sleep & Your Semen Levels (Wish I Knew This Sooner!) appeared first on Gotham Club.

The Bizarre Relationship Between Sleep & Your Semen Levels (Wish I Knew This Sooner!)

Exercise. Eat well. Get enough sleep. Blah blah blah, enough already!

If this is your reaction when you get common wellness advice, hold the phone.

I’m about to tell you something that will blow your mind!

Yes, it’s about sleep. But you’re going to want to keep reading!

I mean, you already know that getting enough sleep is important for a lot of reasons.

Sleep helps your brain function properly, it can improve your mood, and many studies show it supports your heart health as well.

Anyone who has ever tried to function after an all-nighter can tell you this without cracking a single scientific journal.

You just feel crummy, am I right?

SPECIAL:

But it turns out getting lots of sleep has a surprise benefit: according to science, the amount of sleep you get might have a direct relationship to the success of your sex life!

What’s that? Yep, you better believe it.

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Research Reveals Men Who Sleep Fewer Than THIS Many Hours Per Night Have Lower Quality (& Quantity) Semen…

According to a from Denmark, men who got less than seven hours of sleep per night had lower-quality, and lower-quantity, semen. 

In fact, what time you go to bed plays a big role in your semen quality, too. 

And before you decide this doesn’t matter—I mean, who cares how much semen you have if you aren’t trying to be a dad right this moment?—hold on.

A lot of dudes don't know this. But sleep plays a very important role in your load size, and your load size contributes hugely to a woman's pleasure during sex.

Plus, stay with me: a woman’s pleasure during sex has a huge impact on whether she wants to have sex with you again!

So, getting enough sleep can make a big difference in the quality of your sex life (and the amount of sex you’re having) for a lot of reasons—whether you’re playing the field or happily coupled.

So what exactly did this study reveal?

To have your mind blown, keep reading.

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Is It True That the Later You Go to Bed, The Smaller Your Loads Get?

Scientists found that bedtimes correlate to semen quality and quantity.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, the study (done on 104 dudes) found that the later a man goes to bed, the lower his semen quality becomes.

Yep, a whopping 62 percent of men who went to bed early (before 10:30) had normal semen rates. But 68 percent of men who went to bed late (after 11:30) had reduced semen rates.

So, going to bed early helps your semen be higher quality and more plentiful, which means more pleasure for the lady. Gotcha.

But what about sleep quantity?

THE LATEST:

Amazingly, men who slept fewer than seven hours experienced a 73 percent reduction in their semen quality!

On the other hand, of the men who slept seven hours, or a little bit longer, 70 percent had normal semen rates.

Before you cancel all your plans and prepare to conk out for a solid twelve hours as prep for date night, hold on.

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Sleeping Too Much Isn’t Good For Your Semen Levels Either (Here’s Why)…

Sleeping too much isn’t so great either. Men who slept over eight hours experienced reduced semen quality by 46 percent.

Seven-to-eight hours of sleep looks like the sweet spot, gentlemen, as does going to bed before 10:30.

If you’re a night owl or a workaholic, you might not love this news.

But if you’ve been feeling a little blah about your semen amount lately, now you have an easy, natural method of improving that little problem area—which is great news!

INSIDER SECRETS:

Not to mention, the study also found that men who get adequate amounts of sleep—that’s between seven and eight hours per night, consistently—also had higher libidos. 

That means they had higher sex drives and were more likely to want to get it on, making them more exciting partners and making their lives that much spicier. 

But being sleep-deprived messes with you in other ways.

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What Can You Do to Increase Your Load Size Right Away?

In fact, lack of sleep is a known endocrine disruptor, scientists report.

What’s an endocrine disruptor? It’s something that messes with your hormones. In this case, that essential manly juice called testosterone.

You know, the thing that lets you grow a beard, carry your lady over the threshold, hunt a wild boar for dinner, wrestle with the neighbors—all that good stuff!

In fact, men who weren’t getting enough sleep had lower levels of testosterone than their well-rested buddies.

Less testosterone means less energy, less muscle, and more erection problems. Turns out sleep plays an important role in so many aspects of your sex life! 

BONUS:

Of course, getting enough sleep has so many additional benefits.

Sleeping well improves your ability to lose weight, build muscle, heal, avoid getting sick, remember things, and turn on the charm when you need it.

Basically, getting the right amount of sleep is one of the best things you can do to turn yourself into an all-around superman.

As boring as it might sound, set that early bedtime. Think of it this way: hitting the pillow early tonight means a better night frolicking between the sheets tomorrow.

The lucky lady who joins you will surely be grateful.

However, if you know getting seven hours of sleep every night probably isn't likely for you…

There is another way to increase your load size (and have more pleasurable orgasms) naturally:

It’s Not Always Easy To Get 7+ Hours Of Sleep, Instead Try This…

Sleep isn’t the only factor when it comes to

A BIG reason most men have trouble blowing big loads is due to poor blood flow.

Because here’s what you might not know…

Women secretly LOVE when guys shoot huge loads. ????

When a guy can really erupt all over us like we’re the ancient city of Pompeii, it makes us feel like you’re marking your territory… and we can’t get enough of it!

It makes us feel wanted, sexy, and a little dirty… but in a way we all secretly want to feel. You know what I mean?

So if you frequently find yourself getting less than 7 hours of sleep at night… do me a favor and check this out:

Granted, this combo does have some “side effects”… namely it’ll make you harder than a diamond and help you last longer in bed too. ????

So if that sounds good to you… do the women of your city a favor and check this out for me… please?!

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The post The Bizarre Relationship Between Sleep & Your Semen Levels (Wish I Knew This Sooner!) appeared first on Gotham Club.

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