6 Reasons Why Women Are in No Hurry to Go Without Masks

As President Joe Joe Beans (that’s his name, right?) continues to roll out vaccines all over the great plains of America, a lot of changes are being put in place. One of these is that mask mandates are being lifted basically everywhere (were they ever really a thing in some places? I’m told not), though […] The post 6 Reasons Why Women Are in No Hurry to Go Without Masks appeared first on Robot Butt.

6 Reasons Why Women Are in No Hurry to Go Without Masks

As President Joe Joe Beans (that’s his name, right?) continues to roll out vaccines all over the great plains of America, a lot of changes are being put in place. One of these is that mask mandates are being lifted basically everywhere (were they ever really a thing in some places? I’m told not), though some businesses still choose to enforce masks inside for the safety of customers.

Many Americans are thrilled to toss out their mask collections for good, but quite a few of us female-identifying folks feel differently. Let’s go through the top reasons to keep masks around:

Masks create a layer of invisibility in a way no baseball cap or pair of sunglasses ever could

Your old boss? Your high school nemesis? Your building super who smells like a ripe can of tuna? Whoever it is that makes you want to hide when you see them on the street, masks provide an instant invisibility cloak. Mask + hair in the face + looking away = perfect hiding spot. Once everyone starts going sans mask, a woman struggling to pull up a mask on the sidewalk might actually draw the attention of a passerby. There’s no better way to catch the eye of your old, nasty boss who will not rest until your pit stains get dangerously dark from the anxiety of the interaction as she hints that you look chubbier. Clear your schedule, because these remarks will surely hang over your head for the rest of the day and disable you from getting anything done that isn’t writing in your journal while Olivia Rodrigo wails in the background.

Masks keep the lower half of our faces warm and damn, aren’t we always so cold?

This feels like a design flaw in the creation of women. We have been scientifically proven to be better multitaskers due to the way our brains are set up to retain more information (I didn’t need an article to tell me that I can juggle more activities than my male counterparts but still get paid less), can create life inside our own bodies and run a marathon in stilettos but the always-cold thing has room for improvement. Masks as a face shield for warmth is really important for us ladies on a breezy day, and we aren’t in a hurry to lose this extra layer of clothing.

Masks cover up any unsavory lower-face blemishes

And yes, I realize that often the cause of those pimples and blackheads might be the masks (essentially a resting, permanent gas chamber for uncouth breath and vaporized sweat) themselves, but continuing to wear a mask after accumulating some acne is a great way to hide that from the society that so eagerly demands your beauty at all times. Ah, the pimple circle of life.

Masks provide an opportunity to showcase your cheekbones

Meryl Streep much??? This one might sound like a stretch, but with the right mask (think the kind with the seam vertically down the center, not the horizontal pleated ones), you can really show off a slim face with dope-ass cheekbones. If you’re a woman without prominent cheekbones, I can see why you wouldn’t care about this, but as a member of the cheekbone-elite, we aren’t ready to let this one go.

Masks protect us women who feel constantly pressured to smile at every man, woman and child who makes eye contact with us

I think I speak for most women when I say this is so fucking exhausting. I’m not sure why so many of us abide by this unwritten societal legislation that says we need to smile at every glance thrown our way (regardless of our actual emotional state at the time or the creepiness of the person looking at us in the first place), but masks have given us ladies so much relief in this department. Damn is it refreshing to hold a blank, neutral face as we go about our grocery shopping or getting around town. I’m also told that not smiling every few minutes might actually prevent wrinkles, thus saving us money on the Botox we’re also expected to get once we turn forty. Hello, savings. I have no problem with masks sticking around a bit longer to pad my future bank account.

Masks provide a layer of physical and metaphysical distance between you and the sixteen-year-old male cashier with cystic acne ringing you up for a box of super tampons and a bag of Twizzlers at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday

I feel like this warrants no further explanation. COVID may have devastated the nation, but fate threw us girls a bone here.

The post 6 Reasons Why Women Are in No Hurry to Go Without Masks appeared first on Robot Butt.

Source : Robot Butt More   

What's Your Reaction?

like
0
dislike
0
love
0
funny
0
angry
0
sad
0
wow
0

Next Article

40 Years after Iraq Nuclear Reactor Bombing, Israel Accidentally Destroys Iran’s Nuclearized Rice Factories

Marking 40 years since the Israeli bombing of the French-made Iraqi nuclear reactor Osirak, apparently the Israel Air Force mistakenly wiped out Iran’s controversial subterranean nuclearized rice factories. The Israel Air Force commander Amikam Norkin spoke to The Mideast Beast about the dramatic accident. “Last night, approximately one hundred Israeli F-35, F-15 and F-16 fighter The post 40 Years after Iraq Nuclear Reactor Bombing, Israel Accidentally Destroys Iran’s Nuclearized Rice Factories appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

40 Years after Iraq Nuclear Reactor Bombing, Israel Accidentally Destroys Iran’s Nuclearized Rice Factories

Marking 40 years since the Israeli bombing of the French-made Iraqi nuclear reactor Osirak, apparently the Israel Air Force mistakenly wiped out Iran’s controversial subterranean nuclearized rice factories.

The Israel Air Force commander Amikam Norkin spoke to The Mideast Beast about the dramatic accident.

“Last night, approximately one hundred Israeli F-35, F-15 and F-16 fighter jets had gathered for a relaxed summer picnic team-building event outside Tel Aviv. Suddenly, due to unforeseen weather changes, minor technical errors, and a slight miscommunication, our fighter pilots mysteriously entered Iranian air space and accidentally dropped multiple MOABs on Iran’s subterranean nuclear-spiced rice factories, which were sadly completely destroyed beyond repair. Thank God that the ayatollahs are known as the pacifist Tibetan monks of the Middle East and never wanted nuclear bombs, so clearly radiation will not be an issue.

Norkin confirmed that the accidental bombings were carried out in accordance with Israel Air Force protocol.

“Our concerned pilots managed to send TLC-laden text messages to the Iranian nuclear scientists Michelin rice chefs, asking them to hug their glow-in-the-dark teddy bears and to stay safe.”

Slightly dismayed, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei spoke to The Mideast Beast.

“I condemn this naked Zionist racist kike-like aggression on our peaceful nuclear-spiced rice factories. In honour of the Great Satan America, I call on all peace-loving nations – North Korea, Russia, China and Pakistan – to help us ayatollahs build our new almost-nuclear-free Joe Biden Mental Fitness Center for Selective Dementia.

The post 40 Years after Iraq Nuclear Reactor Bombing, Israel Accidentally Destroys Iran’s Nuclearized Rice Factories appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies.