And How to Avoid These Common Mistakes So the First Date Always Turns Into A Second (Or Even Same-Night Sex)…
Why do women rule out a man on the first date, and have no interest in going on a second date?
This is a problem/concern I hear a good amount from men–most guys just guess at reasons why she wouldn't go out with them again.
In reality, the reasons she “nexts” you are probably a lot different than you think!
A study in the American Journal of Sociology found that a woman can make up her mind about you within the first four minutes of meeting you–so having a good first date is EXTREMELY important if you want to get laid (or have the option of seeing her again).
Here are 10 of the most common reasons women say no to a second date:
1) Overwhelming her with expectations & the man's ultimate goals:
Many men treat the first date as the golden opportunity to present his future goals for marriage, children, growing old together, trips together, etc. …
…all before the appetizer has even arrived. Not only does it make the man sound desperate & frantic, it takes the woman away from what you ideally want her to feel on the first date. She's now in business mode and contemplating large, life-changing scenarios, instead of enjoying herself, laughing, feeling optimistic and relaxing.
2) Talking negatively about an ex or past relationship:
A huge red flag for myself & many women is hearing a man call a woman “crazy,” especially his ex.
Even if a man feels his ex was truly, certifiably crazy, this is not a date topic. When a man talks negatively about (and complains about) how badly a certain woman hurt him, how she used him, how she spent all of his money, etc., it only shows that he's not in control of his life & outcomes.
And, naturally through evolution, that tells the woman he isn't a good candidate for being a provider & protector.
3) Too touchy-feely:
This one is a true pet-peeve of mine, but I know it is for other women as well. There is nothing sexy about a man that has to constantly rub the lower part of your back, rub your arm when sitting at the table, caress your thigh, stroke your hair, NON-STOP.
Touchy-feely, grabby men drive me NUTS. For starters, it shows the man is insecure and needs the woman's approval.
Secondly, especially on the first date, the woman just most likely won't be “there” yet. Her natural defenses are up, and she's looking high & low for red flags or warning signs which show her safety may be in danger.
4) Little to no eye contact:
If a man isn't confident enough to look the woman in the eye and be engaged in the conversation, it will leave her also feeling uneasy and unsure of the situation/ date/ man.
5) Getting intoxicated:
Oh boy, did this one happen to me a few times- especially when I was in my twenties.
One especially “charming” guy got so drunk (after spending two hours telling me how great he was), he started barfing in the men's room, needed to have his roommate come and claim him, and I got escorted to my car by an uncover police officer who wanted to make sure I made it safely.
He didn't get a second date.
While having a drink or two and relaxing is fine, you want to be on your “A-game,” and being intoxicated (or even having a good buzz) can hamper that significantly.
6) Lack of conversational skills:
This one happens more than you may think, no matter the age of the man. And this is a hard one, because when you're nervous, sometimes you simply forget certain subjects, or even the word you're looking for. I do this too.
But it's important to have various subjects you can speak about, jokes you can tell (memorized), and show that you have diversified interests & knowledge.
Don't be too long-winded on any one subject, unless she's 100% engaged with you and sharing related knowledge & stories herself (or is curious and keeps asking questions).
Before any date, or before approaching a woman, know of at least 5 subjects you can confidently speak about, that aren't potentially offensive or controversial (no politics or Donald Trump, nothing gory, etc.)
7) Showed up looking like a gym rat:
Working out is good, and if you happen to meet for a hike, or to play a sport, then you can wear your gym clothes.
But please oh please, if you're not in the gym or coming directly to or from the gym or a workout/ sport, then athletic shoes, t-shirts, etc., aren't proper, especially at restaurants or meeting at a coffee shop.
I'm possibly more strict on this one than some women (though I know many of my female friends feel the same way I do), but it doesn't take long (and isn't overly expensive) to put on a pair of properly tailored slacks or proper fitting jeans, a dressier shirt or a nice polo shirt. Show off a little style.
8) Rude to others:
It may be to another man sitting at the bar, or the waiter, it doesn't matter, but a common problem I see men have when they feel unsure of themselves & their position, is they try to push others down to build themselves up. There is nothing more unattractive than a pushy, derogatory, negative, jerk. There is no “cocky-funny” in that.
9) Lack of basic manners:
Picking your teeth with a toothpick in front of her will NOT land you a second date.
Blowing your nose at the table will NOT land you a second date.
Spitting on the sidewalk, well, at least it won't land you a second date if the woman has any class.
Things such as picking your teeth & blowing your nose, are (or should be) as private as going potty, so go to the restroom! I see men of all ages pulling this crap, without a second thought. It's disgusting! It shows the man lacks refinement & class.
10) Overdoing the compliments:
Basic compliments (here & there) are fine, but women recognize a man who overdoes it, and she'll know he's trying too hard because he lacks confidence- or he's “just trying to get her into bed.”
How To ALWAYS Make Sure the First Date Goes As Planned…
So now you know what not to do on a first date…
Is there anything you can do to
As you probably already guessed, the answer is “yes.”
But it's not as obvious as “Pay for all her drinks…”
Or, “Be a gentleman…”
It's way more subtle than that.
How do I know this?
Well it's not just because I'm a woman… in fact, our team of experts gathered
… observed and recorded real-life people on dates…
… and we analyzed everything we found, in the hopes of answering one big question:
“What do the guys who always get second dates and first date sex all have in common?”
And we discovered that these successful guys all do 3 specific things, that consistently lead to second dates and sex:
[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on August 3, 2019.]
The post 10 Surprising Reasons She May Say “Hell No!” to a Second Date appeared first on Gotham Club.