After Seeing Israel’s New Coalition, Assad ‘Totally Down’ with Unity Government

In a rare interview, Syria’s President Bashar al-Assad told The Mideast Beast (TMB) that he was greatly influenced by the latest developments in Israeli politics. Assad said that after hearing about the formation of a unity coalition “I was mind fucked. This is so brilliant. I am totally down to end the civil war and The post After Seeing Israel’s New Coalition, Assad ‘Totally Down’ with Unity Government appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

After Seeing Israel’s New Coalition, Assad ‘Totally Down’ with Unity Government

In a rare interview, Syria’s President Bashar al-Assad told The Mideast Beast (TMB) that he was greatly influenced by the latest developments in Israeli politics. Assad said that after hearing about the formation of a unity coalition “I was mind fucked. This is so brilliant. I am totally down to end the civil war and establish a unity government like the Zionist have.”

The Syrian autocrat said that he would be willing to have each faction designate a “Benny Gantz-like leader,” to join the government. “If the leaders of the Free Syrian Army, Jabhat al-Nusra, ISIS, or any other rival faction want to become prime minister-designate, please, be my guest.” Assad added that he would maintain a veto on appointments to ministerial positions that hold any real power, “like Bibi and the courts,” he explained.

Assad said that a unity government can bring an end to the civil war, which has killed half a million people and led to the century’s largest refugee crisis. “This way we end the war and establish a government with immense power, and no opposition. As much as I have to hate the Jews, you have to appreciate the Jewish mind. This dirty Netanyahu trick. It’s bloody brilliant.”

Sources close to Assad said that he just found out about Israel’s latest government last night and will immediately proceed with efforts to form a similar unity government in Syria. When asked why it took him over a week to hear about Israel’s new governing coalition Assad said that “with all the elections those Jews have, who can keep track.”

The post After Seeing Israel’s New Coalition, Assad ‘Totally Down’ with Unity Government appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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Assad: Biden Smelled My Hair and Touched Me Inappropriately

Syrian President Bashar Assad has accused Joe Biden of “smelling my hair and touching me inappropriately.” The explosive story comes at a time when many Americans are having second thoughts about Biden’s eligibility as America’s next President. A devastated Assad spoke to The Mideast Beast from The Institute for Traumatized Despots in the Levant. “One The post Assad: Biden Smelled My Hair and Touched Me Inappropriately appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Assad: Biden Smelled My Hair and Touched Me Inappropriately

Syrian President Bashar Assad has accused Joe Biden of “smelling my hair and touching me inappropriately.” The explosive story comes at a time when many Americans are having second thoughts about Biden’s eligibility as America’s next President.

A devastated Assad spoke to The Mideast Beast from The Institute for Traumatized Despots in the Levant. “One day during my studies in London, the creepy US senator Joe Biden smelled my hair and touched me inappropriately. From there on it literally went downhill. Instead of fulfilling my dream of becoming a pacifist English eye doctor, I became a traumatized Syrian president slightly addicted to sadism, and sarin gas. Long before Obama lectured me on , Biden crossed all London red lines and thereby provoked the current Syrian Civil Disagreement.”

Biden responded to Assad’s charges during a Good Night Joe interview. “All traumatized despots should be heard. However, to the best of my limited knowledge and my selective amnesia, it never happened. Sometimes I accidentally confuse young female students and even Dolly Parton with my wife but I cannot recall ever encountering this youthful Syrian student Barbara Assad.”

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton told The Mideast Beast that she is withdrawing her endorsement of Biden. “Being formally married to a sexual predator is one thing, especially if it advances your personal career. Endorsing a demented predator outside of the family is something completely different and flies in the face of my personal ethics.”

The post Assad: Biden Smelled My Hair and Touched Me Inappropriately appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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