Biden announces #GiantPlatitude as inauguration theme
WASHINGTON, DC – The Biden Inaugural Committee has announced that the theme for the President-elect’s upcoming inauguration will be #GiantPlatitude. “Given the unprecedented crisis and deep divisions America is facing, we wanted […] The post Biden announces #GiantPlatitude as inauguration theme appeared first on BeetPress Satire.
WASHINGTON, DC – The Biden Inaugural Committee has announced that the theme for the President-elect’s upcoming inauguration will be #GiantPlatitude.
“Given the unprecedented crisis and deep divisions America is facing, we wanted a theme that would reflect the start of a new journey to restore the soul of America, but it was really hard to pare it down to just one slogan,” explained Biden Transition Team Co-chair Anita Dunn. “We used up Build Back Better during the campaign, and Restore the Soul of Our Nation seemed too clunky.”
According to the Office of the President Elect, Biden and his transition team wanted a theme that would compass unity, healing, a path forward, and a brighter future. After reviewing many theme ideas including #ABrighterPathForward, #AHopefulFuture, and #JoesGotSoul, the committee decided on a theme that would encompass all of the buzzwords valued by Biden and his team: #GiantPlatitude.
“With #GiantPlatitude, you just know that Joe’s going to say the right words to a country desperate for healing and a bold vision for a brighter future,” said Dunn. “People need help now, and they can rest easy knowing that Joe Biden has the platitudes they’re so desperately seeking.”
“After Trump’s disaster of a term, Americans need reassurance,” said political activist Charlotte Clymer. “No matter what challenges our nation may face moving forward, Biden will always have the words necessary to reassure people.”
The Biden Team hopes the theme #GiantPlatitude will calm and assuage tensions between the two parties, especially ardent Trump supporters, many of whom stormed the Capitol in an apparent insurrection on Wednesday.
“Trump supporters are angry and scared,” said CNN political commentator Chris Cillizza, adding “and they’re either going to riot, or they’re going to take a moment and listen to Joe Biden’s reassuring and calming words. I think once they understand that Biden’s platitudes apply to them too, they’ll draw down and everything in America will be normal again.”
Democratic voter John Stapleton was equally enthused with the theme, saying “I lost my healthcare after being laid off, I have $40,000 in student debt, and I’m facing eviction. Medicare for All, debt relief, or a minimum $2,000 relief check would help me immensely. Absent of that, Biden’s calming platitudes are welcome relief and make me feel like everything will somehow be okay, at least until I realize his words don’t provide any actual policy proposals to improve the economic condition of most Americans.”
Secretary of Transportation nominee Pete Buttigieg issued a statement which read in part “people are desperate for access to quality, affordable healthcare. People want again to experience the pride and satisfaction that comes from a hard day’s work. People are demanding relief – economic relief. But most importantly, people are looking toward a new president who can say the words necessary to put them at ease and convince them that everything is going to be all right, even if only for a short time.”
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