Buttigieg announces $160B plan to paint American streets with pride rainbows

WASHINGTON, DC – Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has announced a $160 billion plan, part of the larger $1 trillion infrastructure bill, to paint every street in America with rainbows. “I can’t think […] The post Buttigieg announces $160B plan to paint American streets with pride rainbows appeared first on BeetPress Satire.

Buttigieg announces $160B plan to paint American streets with pride rainbows

WASHINGTON, DC – Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has announced a $160 billion plan, part of the larger $1 trillion infrastructure bill, to paint every street in America with rainbows. “I can’t think of a better way to honor our LGBTQIA community than painting every inch of America’s roughly 4 million miles of roadway with pride rainbows,” Buttigieg explained during a press conference Monday. At a cost of $40,000 per mile, interstate highways will be painted with the transgender pride colors of pink, white, and blue, while state highways and surface streets will be painted with the traditional gay pride rainbow scheme. Also included in the bill is a $25 billion plan to rename all highways after prominent gay rights activists, $200 billion for a high speed rail link between Indianapolis and Washington, DC, and approximately $500 million to repair America’s crumbling bridges.

The post Buttigieg announces $160B plan to paint American streets with pride rainbows appeared first on BeetPress Satire.

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Ben Roberts-Smith To Use 3 Month Adjournment To Find New And Peculiar Ways To Ruin His Reputation

"It’ll be nice to focus on that,” he said, drinking his morning coffee out of a prosthetic limb

Ben Roberts-Smith To Use 3 Month Adjournment To Find New And Peculiar Ways To Ruin His Reputation

With the defamation trial he initiated now adjourned until November, former SAS solider Ben Roberts-Smith says he will use the valuable time off to find interesting new ways to undermine his reputation.  

“I’m not sure I’ve done enough to taint my character, so it’ll be nice to have a few months to focus on that,” Roberts-Smith said today while drinking his morning coffee out of a prosthetic limb.

He said he didn’t want to waste the time just lazing about. “I could use the spare time kicking back watching the Olympics. But why do that when I could place my laptop in an oversized lunch box and bury it in the backyard?”

He said he wanted to use the time productively, not just lying around scrolling through his phone. “I find the best way to cut back on phone usage is to seal your phone in a plastic bag, set it on fire and then throw it into a lake. Your screen time drops immediately”.

He has yet to make plans to hire private detectives to spy on his love interests.

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With Chris Auld

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