Comebacks, & Roasts We'd Be Proud To Think Of (37 Zingers)

Ever have it out with someone (either seriously or in good fun) and think of the perfect comeback hours later when you're in the shower? Happens to us all the time. These clever souls didn't have to suffer like that - they came up with some seriously smart sh*t at just the right moment. Salute. 

Comebacks, & Roasts We'd Be Proud To Think Of (37 Zingers)

Ever have it out with someone (either seriously or in good fun) and think of the comeback hours later when you're in the shower? Happens to us all the time. These clever souls didn't have to suffer like that - they came up with some seriously smart sh*t at just the right moment. Salute. 

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Text - Dylan You're a solid 4 how are you saying now No* A solid 4? Maybe like a 3.5/10 I'm pretty sure the only thing that's 3.5 is your 3.5

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Text - r/RoastMe u/Hilario_5 7h http://redd.it/b5a603 I'm a programmer and my only two friends date each other. Do your worst 4ME Share 2.2k 306 BEST COMMENTS SGTwhocares 3 3h Your parents dont count as friends Reply 3.0k

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Text - 么 42% 6:31 同 Is it bad to tell a guy that he can not afford me if he split a bill on a first date? If that's sincerely how you feel, then telling him is a very good thing. It will give him important information to understand whether or not you would be a suitable partner for him. And most likely, it would lead him to conclude that you were not a suitable partner for him, and perhaps make your rejection easier to accept If you demand that a man spend a certain amount of money before you wi

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Text - Angelo @Daddy_Lopez55 There should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid shit Tom Schally @TomSchally It's called Florida

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Text - Faisal Jajayomi Follow @JajaPhD When you people tweet these things, please also state how much you charge for sex. No one likes to DM for prices. @rutie_xx Queen Mother Ladies, stop having sex with men who aren't capable of your financial responsibilities. What's he bringing to the table ? Show this thread 3:58 AM - 19 Feb 2019 4,228 Retweets 4,379 Likes t 4.2K 187 4.4K

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Text - ducquan 2/17/19 horrible doesnt say if theres fluoride in the water Was this review helpful? Yes Fooducate, Ltd 2/19/19 Thanks for your feedback ducquan. The app also doesn't forecast the weather or report on sporting events. It's an app for choosing healthy food and losing weight. NO

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Text - now SNAPCHAT YOU MATCHED WITH CONNOR ON 06/04/2019. You shag cows Sent Today 14:43 Only shag two legged cows So it's your lucky day

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Text - venice witch Follow @horchataqween Today at Walmart this girl ahead of me in line card kept declining. So the cashier offered to pay for it. She told him

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Text - Airtel 12:23 AM 67% My momma graduated medical school pregnant with me so TECHNICALLY i got a Nusing degree.. i was listening to them lectures too 1:54 PM 20 Mar 19 from Brenham, TX Twitter for iPhone 27.9k Share 397 TOP COMMENTS defNOTabrokestudent 6h Medical school isn't nursing school. Jfc Reply 3.1k DigNitty S 6h It's so entitled when med students already call themselves doctors or art students already call themselves baristas. Add a comment

11.

Text - o Frezia 4G 5:37 PM 64% Messages Laurence Details Dude me and Nick are about to go to a giants game, wanna come? It's Nick and I... It's Nick and I.

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Text - Mayor of Ikotun @badt BOI Follow I agree, I mean your father could've used a condom, but here you are. #TheBigOBook @Oloni Repeat after me.. men are stupid. Show this thread 11:07 AM 17 Mar 2019 from lkotun, Nigeria 6,923 Retweets 12,132 Likes t 6.9K 466 12K

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Text - 5:53 PM o Verizon 4G 58% Messages Kylie Details Words can't describe how ugly you are Words can't describe how beautiful you are Aww thx But numbers can 3/10 DESTRUCTION 100

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Text - r/AskReddit u/aaredmi 20h What was your wittiest comeback that you're still proud of? Discussion 會 13.8k Share 5.8k BEST COMMENTS 16h cocoamoko Working at a pizza shop, troublesome customer tries to stack coupons that clearly state

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Formal wear - LADBIBLE.COM Jennifer Lopez Says Men Are Useless' Until They Turn 33 13K 8.6K comments 1.5K shares Like Comment Share Most relevant Write a comment... GIF By all means, let's give a damn about relationship advice from a woman that collects engagement rings like she's Thanos 15K Haha Reply 8h

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Text - angry deer neckbread Follow babysitting and the four year old asked why i'm getting married. told her bc i'm in love and i'm gonna make cute babies like her. she straight up looked at my face and said

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Transport - Adam Tranter @adamtranter 28 Jul 2017 @chrishoy Hi Chris, when I grow up I'd like to have a train named after me too Any tips? (Can't involve cycling fast) Britain'sFaster Sir Chris Hoy Triple Olympic Gold Medalist Beijing 2008 SOutheasternae.co 9 t1.1K 1.4K Chris Hoy @chrishoy Follow Replying to @adamtranter I thought you already did? Virnin 8:10 AM 28 Jul 2017 10,805 Retweets 35,414 Likes 162 11K 35K

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Text - One year anniversary of our friendship. Make us regret it. HURLEY E-TR19 MCI EV3N ODDS TRoastNe waterdaemon 2h Three guys chipped in on a Nicolas Cage sex doll Reply

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Text - I found out that my son is going to try and get himself vaccinated when he turns 18 in a month. How can I stop him? Claire Jordan, worked at National Health Service Answered 1h ago Accept that you have raised a son who is more intelligent than you

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Text - Jack Dayton @ltsJackDayton ALD How do you sleep at night knowing that there are some people in the world who don't like you? Jim Carrey @JimCarrey With no underwear in case they want to kiss my ass.

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Text - r/unpopularopinion Posted by 23h 15 dollar minimum wage is outrageous. Discussion no way no how no possibility. You shouldn't be paided enough to buy a buy a luxury car if you work at walmart! These people are entitled trash, they think they deserve to earn as much as people with a master's degree, when they probably dropped out of high school because they're lazy! Share Vote 56 BEST COMMENTS 23h Hi everyone! Please make sure t... AutoModerator 23h You're being pretty judgemental about hi

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Text - arex 1m Had my IQ test today. Scored a perfect 100 Share Vote 1 BEST COMMENTS marshmellowtank Now 16 When do you plan on using it? 1 Edit

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Text - Seth MacFarlane @SethMacFarlane Apr 7 It is officially time to retire tweets and memes that begin with "no one: 1.2K t 3.9K 34K Robert Pellechio Follow @phantomlover90 Replying to @SethMacFarlane No One: @SethMacFarlane: It is officially time to retire tweets and memes that begin with "no one:" 11:17 PM -7 Apr 2019 220 Retweets 4,238 Likes t 220 4.2K 22

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Text - Isiah @katanaslice Mar 22 Imagine havin sex and you have to moan the name Dustin LMFAOOOO0 t 5.1K 346 46K Dustin Acevedo Follow BigDustinEnergy Replying to @katanaslice Imagine not having anyone moan your name so you start thinking about girls moaning other dudes' names LMFAOOO0 2:57 AM - 23 Mar 2019 from Bellevue, IL 2 Retweets 22 Likes t 2 22

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Text - An avg white girl can survive between 21 days without food, 3 days without water but I wonder how long can she survive without attention 0:25 23 Mar 19 Twitter for iPhone 1 Like 1d I'd assume marginally longer than you can

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Text - 9:39 PM 15% Replies What that dick do 1d Reply Like nothing. I have erectile dysfunction 2 Reply 1d Like GIF reply.. Write a

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Photo caption - r/KidsAreFuckingStupid u/im the real idiot here Kid cleaning up for no reason |drawing/test 0 LShare 14 Award TOP COMMENTS 2h This kid is probably smarter than your dumb ass if you see this as a problem. 41

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Photo caption - @brandenp Is Kumail Nanjiani's d k multiple colors? KIMMEL @brandenp Is Kumail Nanjiani's dek multiple colors? Yes, every shade of your mom's lipstick

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Text - r/AskReddit Posted by 4h There's over 7 billion people in the world. What is one (realistic) thing that you think not a single one of them is doing right now? Discussion Share t44 89 BEST COMMENTS Dating you Reply 166 4h Add a comment >>

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Text - Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson Apr 6 I'm glad so many people liked our Mongolia show. But I'm more proud of next week's Grand Tour. I put my heart and soul into writing that one 894 1.3K 24K simon burns @simonburns74 Apr 6 Maybe if it was free. MORE people like me might be able to Watch it. t 3 86 42 Jeremy Clarkson Follow JeremyClarkson Replying to@simonburns74 Yes. And if it was free, how would we make it? Why don't you just work harder instead of wanting everything for nothing? 11:50

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Text - Fuck You TODAY Messages to this group are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info. Ritesh created group

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Text - 8h Clearly, I can tell your pretty young. You don't know how to type a proper sentence, you probably just came cause your duo went AFK in Fortnite and your salty about it. t3 Reply 8h first,english is not my first language, and it wasn't a Fortnite duo by the way if you're talking about my english: you're* salty 7

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Tortoise - WHO TF LEFT THIS ON MY CAR IN LOT 301 JUST WANNA TALK Many three year olds have trouble staying within the lines. Maybe if you practice coloring this turtle, it will help with your parking

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Text - tori Follow @tori_somerss bf took me to get undies n he wanted to embarrass me so he said real loud:

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Text - Overwatch OPlayOverwatch Our artists were so inspired by @PlayOverwatch hi team! my daughter created a new character.Her name is birst She'd love to know your thoughts |this that they created their own fan art! Hope your daughter loves it! e Sere Scu The overwatch crew just made something adorable Like I'm an actual fucking artist and so are a million god damn other people on the planet and the person being recognize for their art by a game company is a fucking child? Nah. So much fuck th

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Text - MacRobinson Anele Follow Mac9ja Replying to @halace3 @renoomokri God meant for women to be more chaste if not he would have created a means for checking men's virginity 6:38 AM-13 Feb 2018 jenjersnap and milk 100% funded Follow Jen Sime Replying to @Mac9ja @halace3 @renoomokri Luckily we developed Twitter so we can just read tweets like these to tell when you're a virgin 8:42 AM- 16 Feb 2018 from Ramblewood, NJ 271 Retweets 5,328 Likes t 271 65 5.3K

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These 'Deep' Disney Thoughts Are Actually On Point

We're all about shower thoughts and clever musings, and these tidbits of Disney depth really satisfy that sentiment. Some of these really made us think. And others left us really wondering what the filmmakers were thinking.

These 'Deep' Disney Thoughts Are Actually On Point

We're all about shower thoughts and clever musings, and these tidbits of Disney depth really satisfy that sentiment. Some of these really made us think. And others left us really wondering what the filmmakers were thinking.

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Cartoon - The prince in

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Cartoon - If the Queen in Snow White has magic powers and can turn herself into an old hag why doesn't she tun herself into someone more beautiful than Snow White?

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Cartoon - 100% of Disney Queens are evil Therefore all of the Disney princesses are closeted psychopaths

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Cartoon - Cinderella's dress must have been very revealing if the prince looked at her all evening without being able to remember her face

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Cartoon - If Pinocchio's nose grows whenever he pronounces a false statement, it would make a marvellous tool for science, and Pinocchio could test any hypothe- sis easily and instantly

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Cartoon - In Little Mermaid, Prince Eric can't speak to the animals like Aerial can, so kiss the girl must have been a very troubling 2 minutes for him

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Animated cartoon - The little merdmaid must have crapped her pants at least once on her first day as a human

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Cartoon - Ursula probably did Ariel a favor by taking her voice. Eric would have thought she was nuts talking about dinglehoppers and snarfblats

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Cartoon - Beauty & the The Beast 2 should just be 90 minutes of Belle and the Prince shopping for new furniture after it all turned back into people

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Cartoon - If I told you that it featured themes of bestiality, Stockholm Syndrome, slave labor, and a lynching, you would never guess 'Beauty and the Beast' is a kids movie

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Animated cartoon - All of Aladdin was a story told by the merchant to get us to buy a worthless lamp

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Text - Aladdin could have just handed the lamp to Jasmine and they would have gained an extra 3 wishes

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Cartoon - The Lion King: the song

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Animated cartoon - Hakuna Matata was an elaborate ploy from Timon and Pumba to get Simba to eat bugs instead of them

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Text - Considering how there's no traces of humans in The Lion King, It could be set in any era. The Bronze age, the 21st century or a cyborg future where humanity has gone extinct

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Cartoon - Mulan couldn't have saved China if she had big boobs

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Fun - Rapunzel's neck must have been really strong

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Text - If the mother in Tangled had just told Rapunzel her birthday was on a different date, the whole movie wouldn't have happened

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Text - "Frozen" is a really a superhero origin movie disguised as a princess flick

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Text - The creators of Finding Nemo missed the ultimate fish pun by saying "The end" instead of "Fin" the end

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Tagged: disney , deep thoughts , disney memes , funny memes , funny
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