Comebacks & Roasts We'd Be Proud To Think Of (37 Zingers)

Ever have it out with someone (either seriously or in good fun) and think of the perfect comeback hours later when you're in the shower? Happens to us all the time. These clever souls didn't have to suffer like that - they came up with some seriously smart sh*t at just the right moment. Salute. 

Comebacks & Roasts We'd Be Proud To Think Of (37 Zingers)

Ever have it out with someone (either seriously or in good fun) and think of the comeback hours later when you're in the shower? Happens to us all the time. These clever souls didn't have to suffer like that - they came up with some seriously smart sh*t at just the right moment. Salute. 

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Text - Dylan You're a solid 4 how are you saying now No* A solid 4? Maybe like a 3.5/10 I'm pretty sure the only thing that's 3.5 is your 3.5

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Text - r/RoastMe u/Hilario_5 7h http://redd.it/b5a603 I'm a programmer and my only two friends date each other. Do your worst 4ME Share 2.2k 306 BEST COMMENTS SGTwhocares 3 3h Your parents dont count as friends Reply 3.0k

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Text - 么 42% 6:31 同 Is it bad to tell a guy that he can not afford me if he split a bill on a first date? If that's sincerely how you feel, then telling him is a very good thing. It will give him important information to understand whether or not you would be a suitable partner for him. And most likely, it would lead him to conclude that you were not a suitable partner for him, and perhaps make your rejection easier to accept If you demand that a man spend a certain amount of money before you wi

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Text - Angelo @Daddy_Lopez55 There should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid shit Tom Schally @TomSchally It's called Florida

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Text - Faisal Jajayomi Follow @JajaPhD When you people tweet these things, please also state how much you charge for sex. No one likes to DM for prices. @rutie_xx Queen Mother Ladies, stop having sex with men who aren't capable of your financial responsibilities. What's he bringing to the table ? Show this thread 3:58 AM - 19 Feb 2019 4,228 Retweets 4,379 Likes t 4.2K 187 4.4K

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Text - ducquan 2/17/19 horrible doesnt say if theres fluoride in the water Was this review helpful? Yes Fooducate, Ltd 2/19/19 Thanks for your feedback ducquan. The app also doesn't forecast the weather or report on sporting events. It's an app for choosing healthy food and losing weight. NO

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Text - now SNAPCHAT YOU MATCHED WITH CONNOR ON 06/04/2019. You shag cows Sent Today 14:43 Only shag two legged cows So it's your lucky day

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Text - venice witch Follow @horchataqween Today at Walmart this girl ahead of me in line card kept declining. So the cashier offered to pay for it. She told him

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Text - Airtel 12:23 AM 67% My momma graduated medical school pregnant with me so TECHNICALLY i got a Nusing degree.. i was listening to them lectures too 1:54 PM 20 Mar 19 from Brenham, TX Twitter for iPhone 27.9k Share 397 TOP COMMENTS defNOTabrokestudent 6h Medical school isn't nursing school. Jfc Reply 3.1k DigNitty S 6h It's so entitled when med students already call themselves doctors or art students already call themselves baristas. Add a comment

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Text - o Frezia 4G 5:37 PM 64% Messages Laurence Details Dude me and Nick are about to go to a giants game, wanna come? It's Nick and I... It's Nick and I.

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Text - Mayor of Ikotun @badt BOI Follow I agree, I mean your father could've used a condom, but here you are. #TheBigOBook @Oloni Repeat after me.. men are stupid. Show this thread 11:07 AM 17 Mar 2019 from lkotun, Nigeria 6,923 Retweets 12,132 Likes t 6.9K 466 12K

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Text - 5:53 PM o Verizon 4G 58% Messages Kylie Details Words can't describe how ugly you are Words can't describe how beautiful you are Aww thx But numbers can 3/10 DESTRUCTION 100

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Text - r/AskReddit u/aaredmi 20h What was your wittiest comeback that you're still proud of? Discussion 會 13.8k Share 5.8k BEST COMMENTS 16h cocoamoko Working at a pizza shop, troublesome customer tries to stack coupons that clearly state

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Formal wear - LADBIBLE.COM Jennifer Lopez Says Men Are Useless' Until They Turn 33 13K 8.6K comments 1.5K shares Like Comment Share Most relevant Write a comment... GIF By all means, let's give a damn about relationship advice from a woman that collects engagement rings like she's Thanos 15K Haha Reply 8h

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Text - angry deer neckbread Follow babysitting and the four year old asked why i'm getting married. told her bc i'm in love and i'm gonna make cute babies like her. she straight up looked at my face and said

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Transport - Adam Tranter @adamtranter 28 Jul 2017 @chrishoy Hi Chris, when I grow up I'd like to have a train named after me too Any tips? (Can't involve cycling fast) Britain'sFaster Sir Chris Hoy Triple Olympic Gold Medalist Beijing 2008 SOutheasternae.co 9 t1.1K 1.4K Chris Hoy @chrishoy Follow Replying to @adamtranter I thought you already did? Virnin 8:10 AM 28 Jul 2017 10,805 Retweets 35,414 Likes 162 11K 35K

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Text - One year anniversary of our friendship. Make us regret it. HURLEY E-TR19 MCI EV3N ODDS TRoastNe waterdaemon 2h Three guys chipped in on a Nicolas Cage sex doll Reply

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Text - I found out that my son is going to try and get himself vaccinated when he turns 18 in a month. How can I stop him? Claire Jordan, worked at National Health Service Answered 1h ago Accept that you have raised a son who is more intelligent than you

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Text - Jack Dayton @ltsJackDayton ALD How do you sleep at night knowing that there are some people in the world who don't like you? Jim Carrey @JimCarrey With no underwear in case they want to kiss my ass.

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Text - r/unpopularopinion Posted by 23h 15 dollar minimum wage is outrageous. Discussion no way no how no possibility. You shouldn't be paided enough to buy a buy a luxury car if you work at walmart! These people are entitled trash, they think they deserve to earn as much as people with a master's degree, when they probably dropped out of high school because they're lazy! Share Vote 56 BEST COMMENTS 23h Hi everyone! Please make sure t... AutoModerator 23h You're being pretty judgemental about hi

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Text - arex 1m Had my IQ test today. Scored a perfect 100 Share Vote 1 BEST COMMENTS marshmellowtank Now 16 When do you plan on using it? 1 Edit

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Text - Seth MacFarlane @SethMacFarlane Apr 7 It is officially time to retire tweets and memes that begin with "no one: 1.2K t 3.9K 34K Robert Pellechio Follow @phantomlover90 Replying to @SethMacFarlane No One: @SethMacFarlane: It is officially time to retire tweets and memes that begin with "no one:" 11:17 PM -7 Apr 2019 220 Retweets 4,238 Likes t 220 4.2K 22

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Text - Isiah @katanaslice Mar 22 Imagine havin sex and you have to moan the name Dustin LMFAOOOO0 t 5.1K 346 46K Dustin Acevedo Follow BigDustinEnergy Replying to @katanaslice Imagine not having anyone moan your name so you start thinking about girls moaning other dudes' names LMFAOOO0 2:57 AM - 23 Mar 2019 from Bellevue, IL 2 Retweets 22 Likes t 2 22

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Text - An avg white girl can survive between 21 days without food, 3 days without water but I wonder how long can she survive without attention 0:25 23 Mar 19 Twitter for iPhone 1 Like 1d I'd assume marginally longer than you can

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Text - 9:39 PM 15% Replies What that dick do 1d Reply Like nothing. I have erectile dysfunction 2 Reply 1d Like GIF reply.. Write a

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Photo caption - r/KidsAreFuckingStupid u/im the real idiot here Kid cleaning up for no reason |drawing/test 0 LShare 14 Award TOP COMMENTS 2h This kid is probably smarter than your dumb ass if you see this as a problem. 41

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Photo caption - @brandenp Is Kumail Nanjiani's d k multiple colors? KIMMEL @brandenp Is Kumail Nanjiani's dek multiple colors? Yes, every shade of your mom's lipstick

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Text - r/AskReddit Posted by 4h There's over 7 billion people in the world. What is one (realistic) thing that you think not a single one of them is doing right now? Discussion Share t44 89 BEST COMMENTS Dating you Reply 166 4h Add a comment >>

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Text - Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson Apr 6 I'm glad so many people liked our Mongolia show. But I'm more proud of next week's Grand Tour. I put my heart and soul into writing that one 894 1.3K 24K simon burns @simonburns74 Apr 6 Maybe if it was free. MORE people like me might be able to Watch it. t 3 86 42 Jeremy Clarkson Follow JeremyClarkson Replying to@simonburns74 Yes. And if it was free, how would we make it? Why don't you just work harder instead of wanting everything for nothing? 11:50

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Text - Fuck You TODAY Messages to this group are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info. Ritesh created group

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Text - 8h Clearly, I can tell your pretty young. You don't know how to type a proper sentence, you probably just came cause your duo went AFK in Fortnite and your salty about it. t3 Reply 8h first,english is not my first language, and it wasn't a Fortnite duo by the way if you're talking about my english: you're* salty 7

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Tortoise - WHO TF LEFT THIS ON MY CAR IN LOT 301 JUST WANNA TALK Many three year olds have trouble staying within the lines. Maybe if you practice coloring this turtle, it will help with your parking

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Text - tori Follow @tori_somerss bf took me to get undies n he wanted to embarrass me so he said real loud:

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Text - Overwatch OPlayOverwatch Our artists were so inspired by @PlayOverwatch hi team! my daughter created a new character.Her name is birst She'd love to know your thoughts |this that they created their own fan art! Hope your daughter loves it! e Sere Scu The overwatch crew just made something adorable Like I'm an actual fucking artist and so are a million god damn other people on the planet and the person being recognize for their art by a game company is a fucking child? Nah. So much fuck th

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Text - MacRobinson Anele Follow Mac9ja Replying to @halace3 @renoomokri God meant for women to be more chaste if not he would have created a means for checking men's virginity 6:38 AM-13 Feb 2018 jenjersnap and milk 100% funded Follow Jen Sime Replying to @Mac9ja @halace3 @renoomokri Luckily we developed Twitter so we can just read tweets like these to tell when you're a virgin 8:42 AM- 16 Feb 2018 from Ramblewood, NJ 271 Retweets 5,328 Likes t 271 65 5.3K

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Tagged: roasting , comeback , witty comebacks , tinder , cringe , funny tweets , funny pictures , Reddit , funny , twitter comebacks
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Pointless Posts For Those Who Just Need A Laugh

Even though the days all seem to blend together at this point, it's good to have designated breaks just to feel sane. We hope these memes can help you relax for a bit!

Pointless Posts For Those Who Just Need A Laugh

Even though the days all seem to blend together at this point, it's good to have designated breaks just to feel sane. We hope these memes can help you relax for a bit!

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Photo caption - LOOK IT'S THE GUY WHO THROWS M&Ms OVER THE FENCE [adult [adult

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Text - szuddenly you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when im not talking tooiconic wow this is a fucking mood

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Swimming pool - Beverly My sisiter in law died in a fire, her Bible was beside her bed on a stand, not a burn mark on the Bible....Awesome...miracle from God... Yesterday at 8:31 PM Like 6 8 Reply Bible God Sister in law love Pucking

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Hair - When you're winning the argument with facts and they start attacking you personally instead of addressing the topic.

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Text - your bff alex @psybermonkey King's men: sorry your highness...we couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again King (drunk af): let the horses try

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Photo caption - LIVE breakyourownnews.com BREAKING NEWS CHAINSAW BEARS REACH USA 12:52 FUCKING BEARS WITH FUCKING CHAINSAWS FOR FUCKING HANDS WTF

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Airplane - When you need to trigger all the conspiracy therorists on your friends list at once. Flying chemtrail-spreading 5G masts, shooting vaccines

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Mineral - You've heard of boneless chicken. But I present to you chickenless bones

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People - Then George said "Yall can tax this dick" and started the first boogaloo Boogalations 7: 4

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Font - AT LAST WE WILL REVEAL OURSELVES TO THE JEDI

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Cat - catitolovers @catitolovers She said ;3

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Transport - A man hurled racist slurs and a punch at a FedEx driver then died after he was punched back FedEx Express fedex.com bLAck pARty @blackxparty Damn, he sent him to God. Same day shipping.

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Text - When you come back from Chernobyl and check on your dick There is another

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Text - I indentify with tinkerbell a lot because she needs attention or she dies and that's pretty much me

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Animated cartoon - Clara's in self-isolation @ramencult Joe Exotic is Steve Irwin's Wario

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Hair - MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT BUSH'S BEST Maple BAKED BEANS MAYBE IT'S MAPLE BEANS

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Adaptation - So he was like you've turned her against me and I was like the fuck you gonna do about it Anakin

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Organism - Rare photos of me jumping to conclusions

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Text - Tatum Saunders @50FirstTates Remember to sanitize your hands and then sanitize the caps of your sanitizer. And then sanitize your hands again from touching the caps and then 11:33 AM · 3/26/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Mammal - synapsid-taxonomy Me: The Tasmanian devil is a voracious predator and should not be engaged with Also me: Heehoo pupper

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Head - me: rips up my drawing cause i messed it up the guy im tattooing:

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People - When you're getting roasted by your friends and you have to pretend they didn't just hit you in your biggest insecurity I care not

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Nature - The beans are growing nicely this year

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Pug - me sneaking into the kitchen with no pants on at 2:24 am to eat shredded cheese

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Green - oh hi Mark

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Cartoon - online best-friend parent Is this a wanted criminal

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Fish - You may be thinking "oh jeebz somebondy help! that guy is drownin fear not: he uses his gills to breathe underwater

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Facial hair - Hello there IIM General Da Vinci

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Text - @olivia_vault Keto people will eat a full block of cream cheese a day and be like this is actually much healthier than even thinking about a slice of bread 12:27 PM · 4/3/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Crab - Are you just gonna scroll past me without saying yee-claw What in crustacean

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Reptile

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Cartoon - Me: Washing a spoon The Spoon: nokubusmemcloved Full Counter!

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Fish - i want my life H2-Over to be

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Hair - me: so what disease do i have? nurse: you have Alzhe- me: I don't remember asking you a god damn thing.

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Cartoon - BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT I? IT'S A tWO-PARTY SYSTEM YOU HAVÉ TO VOE FOR ONE OF US.

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Tagged: stupid memes , twitter , relatable memes , random memes , relatable , dumb memes , funny memes , shitposts , twitter memes , funny tweets
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