Constitutional Experts Reassure Voters That Corporations Will Continue To Run America If Either Candidate Dies

With concerns about the age of both candidates, experts have reassured voters that the nation’s largest corporations will continue to run the country, even in the event of an unexpected health scare

Constitutional Experts Reassure Voters That Corporations Will Continue To Run America If Either Candidate Dies

With concerns about the health and age of both Presidential candidates, constitutional experts have reassured voters that the nation’s largest corporations will continue to run the country, even in the event of an unexpected health scare.

Governance and constitutional expert Daniel Thurgood said there were unique safeguards built into the US system to ensure the uninterrupted maintenance of power, regardless of what happens to an individual president or candidate.

“One of the great things about our system is that, even in a disaster scenario, the responsibility bestowed in our nation’s billionaires to determine the direction of the country is preserved.  

“It means that – even if Donald Trump or Joe Biden was to become incapacitated or, God forbid, die – there would be a small number of powerful businessmen who would continue to set tax rates, healthcare policy and defence spending in a steady, constant fashion. Nothing would change”.

He said it was important to avoid uncertainty. “Leaders change; parties change. But we’re very lucky to have a system that – at its core – is run by the same group of people, regardless of who is in power”.

Source : The Shovel More   

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7 Autumn-Flavored Abominations to Make Your Life Fall AF

Fall is in the air! Sweaters, boots, coffee, and those beautiful changing leaves! But what if that isn’t enough for you? What if you love fall so much that you are willing to put your body through intense pumpkin-flavored suffering until you transform into the Spirit of Autumn herself? That’s why we’ve rounded up these […] The post 7 Autumn-Flavored Abominations to Make Your Life Fall AF appeared first on Robot Butt.

7 Autumn-Flavored Abominations to Make Your Life Fall AF

Fall is in the air! Sweaters, boots, coffee, and those beautiful changing leaves! But what if that isn’t enough for you? What if you love fall so much that you are willing to put your body through intense pumpkin-flavored suffering until you transform into the Spirit of Autumn herself?

That’s why we’ve rounded up these seven new horrifying autumnal products, curated for those of you who are unable to establish healthy boundaries with your love of fall and who also have a high pain threshold!

1. Starbucks #PSLAI: Pumpkin Spice Latte Aerosol Inhaler

For a busy woman on the go, sitting in the drive-through at Starbucks is just impractical sometimes! One quick puff on the inhaler will inflate your lungs with the pumpkin spice flavor you crave. When you friends ask why you’ve developed a hacking cough, assure them that of course it’s not COVID – it’s just the bold notes of cloves and nutmeg inflaming your airways with cozy harvest warmth!

2. Fall-Themed CPAP Machine from Phillips

Do you wish your obstructive sleep apnea could be as much fun as a hometown harvest dance? As you “fall” into bed, your new CPAP machine blasts a rotating collection of autumn-themed noises. Imagine drifting off to the sounds of sipping pumpkin spice lattes, of a crackling, cozy fireplace, and of a family plucking apples. And who could forget the loud thumping of lumberjacks cutting down trees, a medley of slasher film soundtracks, galoshes getting sucked into mud, and everyone’s favorite fall noise, your neighbor’s industrial leaf blower!

3. Pumpkin Pie Orthotics from Birkenstocks

If your feet are getting tired from all those exciting socially-distanced walks around your apartment complex, have no fear! Birkenstocks’ proprietary pie-like texture provides the ooey-gooey pumpkin-y goodness your feet want in an orthotic insert. Relax into autumn bliss with each squishy step that gives your toes the yummy, high-calorie fall vibe they’ve been craving.

4. Salted Caramel Xanax

Have you been feeling a little anxious? Pop a salted caramel Xanax! This limited edition flavor has the sweetest aftertaste that will remind you of all your favorite things about fall. It can be a challenge to unwind during a pandemic, but with our delicious, seasonal Xanax, you can self-medicate in a festive way. Finally feed your cat because you can never remember if you did or were about to and also there’s so many pretty fall leaves out and everything feels so whoozy and fun.  

5. Bausch + Lomb Toasted Pear Eyedrops

Imagine bundling up in your most Instagram-friendly flannel and your favorite riding boots and heading out to the farm to pick pears. Imagine toasting those pears in your oven with some cardamom pods until your whole house smells like the warm hug of an autumn hearth. Now imagine stuffing those hearty, warm pears into your dry, bloodshot eyeballs. Indulge your eyes in this fall treat and remember: the burning sensation means it’s working!

6. Trojan Autumn Arousal Chai Condoms

Does the word “foliage” turn you on? Does seeing a basket of decorative colored corn cobs make you want to rush home to play with your man’s “horn o’ plenty?” Get your fall freak on with Trojan’s chai condoms, perfect for a night of spicy autumnal play. Who doesn’t want to get fucked by fall?

7. Cinnamon Apple Spice Enema by Bath & Body Works

Mmm, can you feel it now? The crisp fall air, a crackling fireplace, and an ass full of yummy cinnamon apple spice enema fluid, delivered via a bulb shaped like a golden delicious apple brown betty. Your rectum will feel cozier than a chunky cable-knit sweater wrapped around a decorative squash sitting on a hay bale in the back of a pickup truck!

The post 7 Autumn-Flavored Abominations to Make Your Life Fall AF appeared first on Robot Butt.

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