Deal to Turn Dome of the Rock Into Trump Hotel Falls Through

After three years of promising “the deal of the century”, Trump has revealed that his plan for Middle East peace centers around turning The Dome of the Rock shrine into a Trump Hotel. The President made it clear during negotiations last week that it is not worth lifting a city out of centuries of conflict The post Deal to Turn Dome of the Rock Into Trump Hotel Falls Through appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Deal to Turn Dome of the Rock Into Trump Hotel Falls Through

After three years of promising “the deal of the century”, Trump has revealed that his plan for Middle East peace centers around turning The Dome of the Rock shrine into a Trump Hotel.

The President made it clear during negotiations last week that it is not worth lifting a city out of centuries of conflict if he can’t profit from it personally. And, the Dome of The Rock is the perfect building for it because it’s already gold plated. Also, what’s even the point of being free and independent if the Palestinians can’t golf on weekends?

When asked to elaborate on the plan’s professional ass kisser, Jared Kushner said, “Yeah so Mohammed ascended into heaven from that spot. But, what if he ascended into a plaza suite?? Wouldn’t that be way better?”

The deal appeared to be picking up traction last week after Netanyahu was seen purchasing a room in advance, with the Israeli Left claiming it’s to store cigars and an industrial paper shredder. However, the initiative lost steam when it was flatly rejected by the Palestinian Authority who claimed, “not even the most hard-core martyrs would set one fucking foot in one of those gaudy buildings”.

Due to this disagreement the deal is now collapsing like so many before, with Israeli negotiators noting: “This is so classic of the Palestinians. We give them a real chance at peace and they refuse to even give up the third holiest site in Islam. It’s just ridiculous, they’re impossible to work with.”

The post Deal to Turn Dome of the Rock Into Trump Hotel Falls Through appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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$60 Billion JobKeeper Savings To Be Used To Pay For Stuart Robert’s Internet Bill

Scott Morrison has cautioned Australians against getting too excited about the $60 billion windfall identified in the JobKeeper budget, saying

$60 Billion JobKeeper Savings To Be Used To Pay For Stuart Robert’s Internet Bill

Scott Morrison has cautioned Australians against getting too excited about the $60 billion windfall identified in the JobKeeper budget, saying the funds had already been allocated to pay for Government Services Minister Stuart Robert’s internet bill this for this month.

Mr Robert – who is tasked with running the nation’s welfare system but doesn’t know how to set up a basic fucking internet plan – said he had gone a little over on his data this month.

“I’ve been doing some research for my church about the dangers of watching too much pornography. That’s meant I’ve had to have both Pornhub and Redtube running in high definition for 24 hours a day for the past month,” the minister explained.

“The upshot is I’ve used a little more data than usual. It’s strictly for research of course”.

Mr Robert, who is on a $100-a-month plan, was charged in 60 million $10 increments for every additional gigabyte used. He was alerted each time.

The Prime Minister said that while there were many worthy suggestions for how to spend the $60 billion, Mr Robert’s internet bill was most pressing. “A lot of people have called for an extension of JobKeeper, or an expansion in infrastructure spending. But the fact is Stewie’s watched a lot of porn and that’s where the funds will need to go”.

It is unclear how Mr Robert’s bill for next month will be paid for.

Source : The Shovel More   

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