Directions to Your County’s Only Drop-Off Ballot Box

To get ahead of the large amount of mail-in ballots for the 2020 election, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has directions to the ONE drop-off ballot box in your county. 1. Head down Highway I-45 until you spot the ponderosa pine tree with a blue Cadbury egg painted on the trunk. Exit right. 2. Drive until […] The post Directions to Your County’s Only Drop-Off Ballot Box appeared first on Robot Butt.

Directions to Your County’s Only Drop-Off Ballot Box

To get ahead of the large amount of mail-in ballots for the 2020 election, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has directions to the ONE drop-off ballot box in your county.

1. Head down Highway I-45 until you spot the ponderosa pine tree with a blue Cadbury egg painted on the trunk. Exit right.

2. Drive until the asphalt highway turns into a dusty road. Make three lefts and a “Q” turn onto Ballot Box Lane.

3. Halfway down there is a toll booth. Must pay the $4.99 toll to move forward. Toll only accepts pennies and exact change (pennies minted in 1984 are worth two pennies). Texas Supreme Court has ruled the toll booth as legal, stating, “It’s not a poll tax, it’s a toll tax.”

4. Head west into the Wasteland. Try to hide from the roaming local gangs of raiders scavenging for Red Bull and Fireball. If spotted, be ready with your offering of three roasted pheasants or a signed copy of Ted Cruz’s A Time For Truth.

5. To offer sufficient ballot box security, ex-stuntman and congressman Rockin’ Rex Ripley will be waiting at the end of the road to verify your voting registration, urine sample, and full-body nude pat down. Drop-Off will only be available between 1:15 p.m. – 1:55 p.m. Monday through Tuesday when Rex can work.

6. Once you have been patted down by Rex, there will be two boxes for your ballot. The red box is for GOP votes and the blue box is for Democrat votes.*

*Did not have funding for blue ballot box.

Directions are also located on Mapquest.com and must be printed on card stock. Total estimated travel time: 2-6 hours.

Thank you for voting for Donald J. Trump and Texas!

The post Directions to Your County’s Only Drop-Off Ballot Box appeared first on Robot Butt.

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Portland Mayor Trails bin Laden’s Corpse in Re-election Bid

Entering the final days before the election, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler finds himself down eight percentage points in his re-election campaign against the dead body of former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. Wheeler, a Democrat, has come under fire for what critics see as too moderate an approach to protests and riots that broke The post Portland Mayor Trails bin Laden’s Corpse in Re-election Bid appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Portland Mayor Trails bin Laden’s Corpse in Re-election Bid

Entering the final days before the election, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler finds himself down eight percentage points in his re-election campaign against the dead body of former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden.

Wheeler, a Democrat, has come under fire for what critics see as too moderate an approach to protests and riots that broke out in the city over the summer. He was slated to face Antifa supporter and Stalin enthusiast Sarah Iannarone, a Portland State University administer, but Iannarone dropped out and endorsed bin Laden’s body after it was retrieved from the Arabian Sea and entered as a candidate.

The former al Qaeda leader got a boost on Sunday when he earned the endorsement of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, who had previously backed Iannarone’s candidacy.

“Mr. bin Laden has done more than anyone to stand up to capitalism, and to take on the 1% of Americans hogging all the country’s wealth,” Sanders explained in his endorsement. “He was also, like me, an opponent of the Iraq War, and he never took any money from right-wing Super PACs.”

The post Portland Mayor Trails bin Laden’s Corpse in Re-election Bid appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

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