Government shows commitment to reducing waste by developing environmental policy on back of envelope

"The Coalition is very committed to doing the absolute least required"

Government shows commitment to reducing waste by developing environmental policy on back of envelope

Saying it didn’t want to use any more resources than strictly necessary, the Coalition has revealed its net zero environmental plan was developed using just the back of an old envelope and a half-used children’s crayon.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison said his government is committed to doing whatever it can to reduce wastage. “Why develop a fully thought-through plan when there’s a perfectly good envelope that’s otherwise going to go to waste? If you’re wondering why there are so few ideas in our plan, that’s because we don’t want to use ideas unnecessarily. Some people see ideas as a renewable resource, but within the Coalition they are very much a finite thing.

He said reaching net zero would require a shift in mindset. “If we’re going to meet our targets, we’re going to have to get used to using less,” Scott Morrison explained. “This Coalition government is very experienced at doing the bare minimum, so we think we’re well set up to meet and beat our goals”.

The ‘plan’ consists of the word ‘technology’ written in large green writing. Mr Morrison’s daughters also drew a tree and a sun on the front.

With Chris Auld 

Source : The Shovel More   

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Net Zero plan involves burying carbon emissions in Phil Gaetjens’ office

“Once something goes into Phil’s office, it’s never seen again"

Net Zero plan involves burying carbon emissions in Phil Gaetjens’ office

The Government’s new environmental policy relies on capturing and then burying thousands of tonnes of carbon emissions in the office of the Secretary of Prime Minister and Cabinet, new analysis reveals.

The Office has previously been used by the Government as a way of burying accusations of sexual assault and other potentially toxic issues. But this is the first time it will be used to suppress carbon.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said it was an innovative technique that had worked in the past. “Once something goes into Phil’s office, it’s never seen again,” he said.

“When we had those accusations from Brittany Higgins floating around earlier this year, they could have very easily spread – they could have been lethal. But we captured those accusations, we sent them to Phil Gaetjens’ office, and they’ve never resurfaced. We’ve totally mitigated it, and we can do the same with greenhouse gasses”.

Under the plan, Australia is expected to eliminate all accusations of carbon emissions by 2022.

Mr Gaetjens is yet to be briefed on the plan.

Source : The Shovel More   

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