Government Stumbles Upon Genius Strategy For Encouraging Vaccine Uptake – ‘Availability’

"We've found that 100% of people will not get a vaccination if there isn’t one available to them"

Government Stumbles Upon Genius Strategy For Encouraging Vaccine Uptake – ‘Availability’

The Federal Government has discovered a remarkable new way for increasing the uptake of the COVID-19 vaccination, which involves making the vaccination available for people to get.

In a media conference this morning Health Minister Greg Hunt said the finding had stunned his department. “Six months ago, when we didn’t have vaccinations for people to get because I forgot to buy them, the uptake was concerningly low. But as soon as we had vaccinations, all of a sudden there was a spike in uptake. The correlation is incredible”.

He said the evidence was compelling. “We’ve looked at this in some detail now, and our studies have shown that 100% of people will not get a vaccination if there isn’t one available to them”.

The Health Minister said the Government had considered other incentives, such as lotteries or cash payments, but accidentally stumbled on what he says is an even more effective measure. “People will simply refuse to roll up their sleeves unless there’s a vaccine there for them to take. It’s that simple”.

Mr Hunt said the findings could have implications for future health initiatives. “The message here is very clear. If you do something, something will happen as a result. When you don’t do something – like order a vaccine when you’ve received an email from a major pharmaceutical company – nothing will happen. We’ll be considering that in future initiatives”.

Source : The Shovel More   

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I’m a 37-Year-Old Man and This Will Be My Last, and First, Bar Fight

Dude, those guys over there are talking shit. I’m telling you, man, I’m about to go over there and fuck ‘em up. They’re lucky I’m not in my 20s anymore, or I already would have. I used to crack some skulls back in the day. Hold on, dude. Let’s stretch first. If we’re gonna fuck […] The post I’m a 37-Year-Old Man and This Will Be My Last, and First, Bar Fight appeared first on Robot Butt.

I’m a 37-Year-Old Man and This Will Be My Last, and First, Bar Fight

Dude, those guys over there are talking shit. I’m telling you, man, I’m about to go over there and fuck ‘em up. They’re lucky I’m not in my 20s anymore, or I already would have. I used to crack some skulls back in the day.

Hold on, dude. Let’s stretch first. If we’re gonna fuck these guys up, we don’t want to be sore tomorrow. I have to coach my kids’ soccer team. It’s already gonna be a bitch with bruised knuckles.

And we need a plan. I wanna know exactly what I’m gonna do and then go over there and do it, ya know? Let me look up that punch Brad Pitt did in Snatch really quick. Remember when he knocked that guy out cold with one punch? I’ll do that to one of them, and it’ll scare the rest of those fuckers away. 

Just wondering, where do you put your feet when you’re in your fighting stance? I can’t remember which one I used to put in front. Maybe I stood with them right next to each other. Does this look weird? I think Steven Seagal stands like this. 

Shit, man, my hands are shaking. I’m ready to put one of those motherfuckers to sleep. Feels like 2006. I don’t know why my knees are weak, though. Probably those salty-ass asparagus fries.

Yeah, I’m okay. Ready to kick some teeth in, dude. They don’t know what’s coming. By the way, what do you do with your thumbs? Are you an outside- or inside-the-fist guy? Outside? Yeah, me too.

I need to calm down first. Don’t want to go in there all jacked up. In a fight, you have to keep your emotions in check. I’m gonna take a beta blocker to cool off.

Do you ever think about the ethics of fighting? Yeah, me neither. But a fight is a contest where you figure out who is physically superior, more of a man. It assumes an uncertain outcome. It’s pointless, maybe even immoral, if we already know we’re going to destroy those fucking pussies, right?

No, I’m not saying they don’t deserve it, and I’m definitely not scared, especially not of those losers. What are they, like, 25 years old? I mean, I’ve got one more fight in me. I just don’t know if I want to waste it on those bitches. It wouldn’t even be close.

Yeah, I get that it’s about respect, but what if we tell the manager they’re causing trouble? Think about it. They’ll get kicked out, and they’ll be so pissed! They’ll fucking respect us then.

Or maybe we call my wife and tell her to bring the baby up here? If she shows them the child of the guy they’re talking shit about, it will blow their fucking minds! They’ll at least respect me as a father. 

Plus, my wife took karate when she was a kid. She’s a badass. If they keep talking shit, she’ll kick the shit out of them, and we won’t have to do anything, except laugh. How epic would that be?

She’s not answering. 

She’s probably asleep. Let’s get an Uber and get the fuck out of here? Those fuckfaces are lucky I’m dehydrated from those asparagus fries.

The post I’m a 37-Year-Old Man and This Will Be My Last, and First, Bar Fight appeared first on Robot Butt.

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