Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’. “We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting The post Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’.

“We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting years ago and we’ve been way too embarrassed ever since to ask anyone what a ceasefire is supposed to be, so we’ve just kind of bluffed it. And because the Israelis always look so angry we never got up the courage to ask them. Turns out, a ‘ceasefire’ actually means to cease firing shit. Who knew?”

However, when asked whether they intend to behave any differently in the future now that they understand the definition, Hamas insists that, on the contrary, they hope to carry on as usual. “Yeah, well, just because we know what a ceasefire is doesn’t mean we’re gonna start abiding by it now. Where’s the fun in not firing rockets at Israel? Rockets are our bread and butter. If you realise you’re allergic to sesame, would you stop eating humus, or if you find out homosexuality isn’t a choice would you stop throwing gays off buildings? Some things are just sacred.”

The post Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

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After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’

Following its decision to remove the Islamist militant group Hamas from its list of terrorist organizations, a top court of the European Union will now meet to decide what to call the aerial projectiles launched from the Gaza Strip at Israeli cities. While Sweden has proposed calling the projectiles, previously known as missiles or rockets, ‘aeronautic modern The post After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’ appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’

Following its decision to remove the Islamist militant group Hamas from its list of terrorist organizations, a top court of the European Union will now meet to decide what to call the aerial projectiles launched from the Gaza Strip at Israeli cities.

While Sweden has proposed calling the projectiles, previously known as missiles or rockets, ‘aeronautic modern art,’ Spain has suggested they be defined as ‘scrap metal donations’ or ‘failed satellite launches.’

“While we acknowledge that, from time to time, large pieces of metal do come flying out of Gaza and, on occasion, do land in major Israeli population centers, we believe that using military terms to define these objects is misleading and counterproductive,” EU Foreign Minister Federica Mogherini told The Mideast Beast. “It implies that Hamas is some kind of a violent or malevolent organization, which we’ve already decided isn’t true.”

RELATED: Hamas to EU: Put us Back on Terrorism Blacklist Immediately 

In addition, the EU must decide what to call the fatal shooting of suspected informants and political opponents, previously called ‘executions’ or ‘murders.’

“We’re thinking of going with ‘involuntary humanitarian euthanasia,’” explained the EU foreign minister. “Israel has made life in the Gaza Strip so miserable that tying someone to a motorcycle and dragging their lifeless body through the streets is really an act of mercy.”

EU officials admitted they still had a lot of work ahead of them, including creating new terms for kidnappings, suicide bombings and catchy pop songs promising death and destruction. They’ve reportedly asked the IDF for assistance, an acknowledgment that any organisation that can rename ‘bombing your house’ as ‘roof knocking’ really has something to add to the debate.

 

*Repost for #ThrowBackThursday

The post After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’ appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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