How important is compromise in dating? 5 questions to ask yourself

When I was dating, I had a pretty clear picture of the man I was looking for, only I couldn’t find him anywhere. I took heart from the Michael Bublé song, “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet”, and continued my search. Still single in my early forties, I finally realised that the person I’d been seeking actually didn’t exist. I saw that I had a rigid idea of my future partner and I wasn’t open to anyone who didn’t fit the mould – and this was thwarting my chances of finding love.

How important is compromise in dating? 5 questions to ask yourself

I also saw how I judged people and rejected them, often for superficial reasons: they weren’t sporty enough or slim enough; they had a dull job or wore drab clothes. Finally, I understood that nobody was ever going to tick all my boxes – it was an impossible ask. I had to let go of my fixed ideas and compromise on some of my wants if I was ever going to find someone to love.

The idea of compromise can be hard to get our heads around when it comes to dating. Many of us have worked hard to create a life that we love – why would we share that life with a partner who didn’t display all of our desired attributes?

But while it’s important to hold on to our values, reluctance to compromise can lead to a lonely life. The following five steps may help you to explore the notion of compromise and to find someone who’s right for you:

Should Christian singles compromise in dating?1) Throw away the list

If you have a fixed idea of the person you want to end up with or a written list of preferred attributes, I suggest you replace this list with a broad-brush vision that’s less rigid and more flexible. Be open to surprises. Try contacting people online or going for coffee with people who aren’t your usual type.

2) Be guided by your feelings

Rather than thinking whether a date has all the qualities you’re looking for, ask yourself how you feel when you are with the person. Do you feel happy and at peace? Do you feel safe? Or do you feel on edge or unsure of where you stand?

Many of us tend to over-think relationships. Will this person fit into my social group or my church? Will my family and friends like him or her? How will his preference for travel fit with my desire to stay at home? How will her love of dance go with my two left feet? It’s inevitable that we’ll ask these questions, but try to be guided by how you feel in the person’s presence, rather than the analysis that goes on in your head.

3) Decide your ‘must haves’ versus ‘nice to haves’

There are some areas in which you won’t want to compromise, and then there are others where you might be willing to be more flexible. Write down or think about the ‘must have qualities’ versus the ‘nice to have’ qualities, and then review what you’ve written or thought about. Are the ‘must have qualities’ realistic? Does this person exist? Are there any further compromises you’d be willing to make? Remember the broad-brush vision from Step one.

4) Understand and heal your blocks to love

Often, we have rigid ideas about our future partner and dismiss or reject potential dates because, deep down, we are afraid of love, intimacy and commitment. We look for convenient excuses to ignore a message from someone online or to walk away from a potential partner. Our reasons make perfect sense to us. We rationalise our decisions.

Until we take a look inside our hearts and realise we are afraid of being vulnerable, of getting hurt, of being seen or of loving and losing. If we discover this is true for us, we deserve to spend some time soothing our fears and healing our blocks to love, which we can do through journaling, praying to God for guidance and healing, sharing with trusted people or working through in counselling or coaching.

How important is compromise if you want to find love?5) Keep your eyes on the prize

If you’ve been looking for a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to lose heart. We tell ourselves that it’s too much hassle or hard work to find someone to love. We tell ourselves that we’re OK on our own. If you notice that you’re thinking this way, remind yourself that a committed, intimate relationship is well worth the effort.

Write down or think about all the positives a relationship could bring and if you can’t think of many, ask your friends who are in good relationships. Dating does require effort, so it’s important to be clear on the benefits so that we are motivated to continue the search.

With the above in mind, see if you can approach dating with fresh eyes, more openness to different types of people, more willingness to compromise and a readiness to be surprised. And the next time you sing along to, “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet,” consider the possibility that the right person for you may be quite different to the one you’ve been looking for.

 


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An Evolutionary Explanation For The “Cougar Phenomenon” (And Why Women Over 35 Are WAY More DTF Than You Probably Think)

New Science Reveals There Are More Women Who Are DTF Than You May Realize (Details Below)… Click Here to Discover ... Read more 804 Views The post An Evolutionary Explanation For The “Cougar Phenomenon” (And Why Women Over 35 Are WAY More DTF Than You Probably Think) appeared first on Gotham Club.

An Evolutionary Explanation For The “Cougar Phenomenon” (And Why Women Over 35 Are WAY More DTF Than You Probably Think)
This is the easiest way to find women who are dtf…

New Science Reveals There Are More Women Who Are DTF Than You May Realize (Details Below)…

Click Here to Discover 5 All-Natural Foods That Allow Nearly Any Guy to Last Longer In Bed (Even If You Haven’t Had an Erection in Years)…

You might not have guessed this, but here's an interesting fact:

Women over 35 than the average college-aged woman.

As a woman over 35 myself, this has certainly been my experience. 

BRAND-NEW:

Since then my husband and I have enjoyed daily romps between the sheets, and I still have plenty of desire left over for my casual partners. 

Personally, at 35, my libido hit an all-time high. 

So I'll show you the science below, dive into why this might be, and explore how you can use this science to have more sex below (even during quarantine).

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Is It All About Procreation? Here's What Science Has To Say…

Scientists say that it is due to basic biology, as well as increased confidence and active sexual minds. 

These older and still incredibly sexy women are more likely to desire casual sex. 

These findings held whether the women were married or single. 

start to crave more sexual contact as they reach their forties because of their ability to procreate decreases. 

Since they aren’t as likely to wind up pregnant, older women want more sex. 

Women who are in their twenties have to deal with the genuine possibility of pregnancy with every sexual encounter. 

INSIDER SECRETS:

As fertility declines, women feel freer to experiment with fewer repercussions. 

The idea of older women becoming cougars and seeking sex with younger men is born out of fact. These women are looking for someone who can keep up with their raging sexual appetites. 

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Increased Confidence Leads to Greater Desire…

Other research says that women over age 35 are more likely to have a , which makes them more likely to desire sex. 

Women over 35 have confidence that is often missing with younger women. 

They are established in their careers and know how to enter a room with confidence. 

Older women know their curves are powerful and aren’t afraid to flaunt them. 

I’ve been known to show mine off while swinging around a stripper pole on a random Saturday night.

THE LATEST:

Women who sex more, and they get what they want. 

And let's face it:

women at 22 are just beginning to figure out who they are. 

They typically haven’t established their place in the world, or even their sense of style just yet. 

So that uncertainty spills over into their sex lives. and decrease the likelihood that they’ll be ready to get naked with you. 

Women who are confident in their bodies are more likely to be interested in more varied positions and spend less time trying to cover up. 

Since older women are less likely to have body-image issues, sex will be hotter and more explosive. 

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Women In This Age Group Also Have Active Sexual Fantasies. 

, they report a greater willingness to have one night stands and casual sex. 

Most women aged 30-45 someone other than their husband, so I know I’m not alone. 

This increase in sexual fantasy leads to an increase in self-pleasure among women. 

That’s good news for you because that the more orgasms a woman has, the more she craves the post-orgasmic rush of feel-good hormones. 

Science shows that sexual desire starts in the brain, so if women in their thirties and forties spend more time thinking about sex, and have more orgasms, it makes it easier to get them into your bed. 

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Older Women Love Casual Sex! (Here's Proof)…

Women over age 30 are more likely to than their younger counterparts. 

Yes, it's true:

Women are into casual sex just as much as men. 

All you have to do is demonstrate interest and competence.

However, to get women over 35 interested takes a certain amount of finesse. 

THE LATEST:

Remember, they’ve been picked up before, so they’ll know if you aren’t being genuine. 

Take time to talk with her and ask questions. 

Stimulate her mind and let her know that you are interested in who she is. 

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The Key Is to Pay Attention…

Look for women who are smiling and seem at ease in their surroundings (this all applies after quarantine, of course). 

This is an indication that they are open to being approached. (But more on that in a sec.)

Women with more experience will let you know if they are interested right away. 

The key is to make an older woman feel desired and safe. 

If you can get her feeling excited and let her know that you aren’t threatening, women will make the rest easy. 

She’ll make eye contact, find an excuse to touch you and ask questions to show her interest. 

Once you’ve gotten to this point, the likelihood that you will get to undress her increases. 

3 SEXY PORNSTARS REVEAL:

The trick is to get her wanting you. 

If you want to increase the likelihood that you’ll get laid, focus your attention on the women who are a little older and are still absolutely rocking their sexiness. 

She’s probably learned a thing or two about her body and how to please her partner. 

The fact that she’s at her sexual peak will make getting her into your bed even more straightforward.

And if you aren't sure exactly how to spot a woman who's “DTF,” here's Gotham Club's founder, Craig Miller, showing you exactly how to do so:

Discover what to do when you find women who are dtf…

What To Look For to Know She's “DTF” Right Away…

Hey man it's Craig… and while I know you can't really go out and meet women right now…

I want to give you some really siple, really actionable tips you can use to take a hot couger home as soon as quarantine ends:

^^^Best “get laid” tip I’ve ever used.

These are kind of subtle body language clues that she gives off that show you definitively that she wants to get laid tonight…

And best of all?

That takes a lot of the guesswork out of approaching hot girls… since when you see any of these 5 subtle signs… you know she’s interested in you.

And that means less rejection… and a faster time between saying “Hey,” and getting her in bed:

P.S. I can’t take credit for “discovering” all of these. I learned quite a few from this retired FBI profiler…

804 Views

The post An Evolutionary Explanation For The “Cougar Phenomenon” (And Why Women Over 35 Are WAY More DTF Than You Probably Think) appeared first on Gotham Club.

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