I Am Not Changing My Shirt Until This Pandemic Is Over

This pandemic must end someday, and on that day, I pledge I will change my 1978 Tom Petty concert T-shirt. Though there have been many health warnings from the CDC about this unhygienic behavior, I pledge I will keep my shirt on until my head is bloodied but unbowed in the face of all alerts. […] The post I Am Not Changing My Shirt Until This Pandemic Is Over appeared first on Robot Butt.

I Am Not Changing My Shirt Until This Pandemic Is Over

This pandemic must end someday, and on that day, I pledge I will change my 1978 Tom Petty concert T-shirt. Though there have been many health warnings from the CDC about this unhygienic behavior, I pledge I will keep my shirt on until my head is bloodied but unbowed in the face of all alerts.

Genghis Khan did not always wear a clean tunic, and he conquered half the world. Alexander the Great’s T-shirt had to get brutally funky under his breastplate. When he started to lose a battle, he could throw his dirty T-shirt into the melee and everyone would scatter in terror.

One day, all the world will be vaccinated. On that glorious day, I will wait, shirtless, by the dryer until my shirt is crispy, warm and ready to wear.

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Jerusalem Files for Parental Emancipation

In a busy week for Middle Eastern family courts the city of Jerusalem has called for emancipation from its parents, Judaism and Islam, as well as from its weird uncle, Evangelicalism. After years of trying to negotiate a peace between its parents, including a difficult period when it was passed into foster homes run by The post Jerusalem Files for Parental Emancipation appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Jerusalem Files for Parental Emancipation

In a busy week for Middle Eastern family courts the city of Jerusalem has called for emancipation from its parents, Judaism and Islam, as well as from its weird uncle, Evangelicalism.

After years of trying to negotiate a peace between its parents, including a difficult period when it was passed into foster homes run by the Ottomans and the British, Jerusalem has finally realized that there’s nothing it can do to reconcile the issues between both religions.

“For years I thought it was my fault that they hated each other, that maybe if I was really good then they’d stop fighting, but I just can’t keep being their middleman anymore,” said the city, choking back tears. “I even tried to pull a parent trap and asked Epcot to make a new American Jerusalem to make them miss me, but apparently that was “sacrilegious” and “not a good idea at all.” I need to just get out of this toxic situation.”

RELATED: God Urges Jews, Muslims to Stand their Ground in Dispute over Temple Mount

At an impromptu press conference last night many people asked the city what it will do once it is freed from its parental rule, to which Jerusalem replied “I don’t know, man. The issue is I don’t even know who I am without them. People pilgrimage across the world to find me, but I need to take some time to find myself, you know?”

Although many religious figures have critiqued the city’s sudden departure from its parents, sources close to Jerusalem say it just bought a one-way ticket to India and won’t be back until it knows who it really is inside.

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