If Re-Elected, Trump Promises to Govern From White House Bunker

During Thursday’s presidential debate, Donald Trump and Joe Biden traded blows over a contentious ninety minutes. Arguably the most controversial moment came after Biden hammered Trump about his frequent trips to Mar-a-Lago, the president’s self-proclaimed ‘Southern White House’. On his heels from the forcefulness of Biden’s attack, Trump blurted out series of two-word expletives, followed […] The post If Re-Elected, Trump Promises to Govern From White House Bunker appeared first on The Lucky Rock.

If Re-Elected, Trump Promises to Govern From White House Bunker

During Thursday’s presidential debate, Donald Trump and Joe Biden traded blows over a contentious ninety minutes. Arguably the most controversial moment came after Biden hammered Trump about his frequent trips to Mar-a-Lago, the president’s self-proclaimed ‘Southern White House’. On his heels from the forcefulness of Biden’s attack, Trump blurted out series of two-word expletives, followed by a promise to govern from the White House’s underground bunker if re-elected.

The run-up

The first 75 minutes of the debate saw both candidates take numerous shots at one another. In his opening statement, Trump accused Biden of smelling like old man, while Biden claimed the president cut a big fart during the discussion over Covid-19. In the national security segment, Biden pantomimed Trump making out with Kim Jong-un, while the president openly mocked Biden for falling asleep while answering the climate change question.

Credit: giphy.com

It was in the race relations section of the debate where civility really began to unravel, as evident in this exchange.

Trump: You’re weak, Joe. You’re a weak, sloppy Joe. Many people call you Stupidhead Joe, that I can tell you. If I were a Chinese woman, I wouldn’t marry you, not for all the tea in China. China, who let the virus out of their country, it should never have been allowed to happen.

Biden: Here’s the deal. I wouldn’t marry you if I were a Chinese man or woman. I won’t be a blue state or red state president, I’ll be president for all Americans — except you.

The new Southern White House

As moderator Kristen Welker shifted the topic to leadership, Trump opened by emphasizing the strength he has portrayed as president. “My administration has restored American leadership and respect around the world,” he bragged. “They’re not laughing with us, they’re laughing at us.” Trump paused, apparently aware of his gaffe, but stubbornly pressed on. “Whether I’m in the White House, the Southern White House or on my golden toilet, I get the job done, believe me.”

Biden pounced. “Look, here’s the deal. The president spends more time at Mar-a-Lago than I do drinking Metamucil. He’s there all the time, man. He spends all day getting rub-downs and Lord knows what else.” The former vice president eyelids fluttered, on the verge taking a nap, before rebounding. “He lounges around — Jabba the Trump, or maybe Trumpa the Hutt, that’s what they should call him — barking orders and scarfing cheeseburgers.”

As Trump fumed,  his microphone muted, Biden foreclosed on his argument. “Mar-a-Lago shouldn’t be called the Southern White House, it should be called the Southern Whorehouse. And that guy, what’s-his-name over there, spends most of his presidency there as the world’s fattest John.” He flashed his signature grin. “Donald John Trump.”

Given his two minutes, the flustered president shot an icy stare at Biden. “Eat shit,” he spat. Directing his ire at Welker, his eyes narrowed. “You eat shit as well.” Trump’s gaze scanned the socially-distanced crowd. “All of you can eat shit, ok? You want me to spend more time in the fucking White House? That’s fine.”

Credit: giphy.com

He shifted uncomfortably behind the podium. “Down is south, right? If I’m re-elected, I’ll move the Southern White House to the underground bunker. Vote for Trump and I’ll spend every single second of my time there, all the way through my next impeachment. You’ll never see me again.”

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Twitter had plenty to say after hearing Trump’s pledge to hole up in the White House bunker.

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