Iran: Al Quds Day Moving Online

Due to the ongoing novel coronavirus pandemic, which has hit Iran especially hard, the country will be cancelling its annual Quds Day demonstrations, which are actually less about Jerusalem and rather a bit more focused on the customary call for Israel’s annihilation. “It was an extremely difficult decision to make,” admitted Ramezan Sharif, spokesman of The post Iran: Al Quds Day Moving Online appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Iran: Al Quds Day Moving Online

Due to the ongoing novel coronavirus pandemic, which has hit Iran especially hard, the country will be cancelling its annual Quds Day demonstrations, which are actually less about Jerusalem and rather a bit more focused on the customary call for Israel’s annihilation.

“It was an extremely difficult decision to make,” admitted Ramezan Sharif, spokesman of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, “But Quds Day can be celebrated nationally and internationally through other ways. We can make good use of cyberspace in this regard, inshallah. Despite the cancellations, we will not deprive our loyal people of the planned hatefest; we will simply make several online events instead. For the first event, we are using Fox & Friends as inspiration for the format, so on May 22 our Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei will be hosting a relaxed panel of his closest friends, like Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh, Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah and with a special guest: Chairman of the International Federation of Suicide Bombers, Mahlouf Abu-Jihad.

“Viewers will be able to call in and ask hate-filled questions, and we plan to have a live audience of political prisoners with a couple of live transmitted ‘crane executions’ to make the Al Quds Day even that much more festive.”

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Mossad: “Track and Trace Apps are New?”

Following other governments’ launches of coronavirus “track and trace” apps, Mossad proudly announced this week that they’ve been tracking citizens’ movements for years, for both national security and those ‘just in case’ scenarios. In a testament to the superiority of Israeli intelligence, Mossad claims that their concerns around infectious diseases began at the exact same The post Mossad: “Track and Trace Apps are New?” appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Mossad: “Track and Trace Apps are New?”

Following other governments’ launches of coronavirus “track and trace” apps, Mossad proudly announced this week that they’ve been tracking citizens’ movements for years, for both national security and those ‘just in case’ scenarios.

In a testament to the superiority of Israeli intelligence, Mossad claims that their concerns around infectious diseases began at the exact same time as the launch of the first iPhone. And, in their signature low-key way, the agency imbedded a new app: Mossad’s Coronavirus Anticipatory Regulation for Effective Security (Mossad CARES) into all Israeli models. The app makes sure that citizens do not come into contact with an infectious threat to Israel, are alerted by Mossad personally if they have, and ensures they can be whisked away from their families for an indefinite period of time to self-isolate.

“Governments act like these tracking apps are brand new…but let’s be honest we’ve been doing this for years,” former Mossad track and tracer Timor Aphel told The Mideast Beast.  “Our top focus is preventing dangerous things from being communicated… I mean communicable…”

Although people in other countries are worried that these tracking apps will form a direct threat to privacy, Mossad is assuring folks that it only feels like an assault on civil liberty if you know you’re being watched.

When asked whether implementing a virus tracking app was in their purview as an intelligence agency, Aphel replied, “Look we keep people safe. From each other and themselves. Anyway, enough about me, how was your jog earlier today? Your 5k time was quite impressive.”

The post Mossad: “Track and Trace Apps are New?” appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

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