Iran Signs “Proxy Alliance” with Seattle Rebels

Iran’s regime has reportedly signed a “proxy resistance alliance” with Seattle anarchist rebels. The generous and entirely altruistic offer came after Iran became the first country to officially recognize the newly declared state, Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone, (CHAZ). Iran is expected to open its new embassy in CHAZ after qualifying for Microsoft’s grants for “struggling The post Iran Signs “Proxy Alliance” with Seattle Rebels appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Iran Signs “Proxy Alliance” with Seattle Rebels

Iran’s regime has reportedly signed a “proxy resistance alliance” with Seattle anarchist rebels. The generous and entirely altruistic offer came after Iran became the first country to officially recognize the newly declared state, Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone, (CHAZ). Iran is expected to open its new embassy in CHAZ after qualifying for Microsoft’s grants for “struggling low-tech entities.”

Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei spoke to The Mideast Beast about his new emerging North American proxy alliance. “I’m very impressed with the nonbeliever Seattle rebels. While Hezbollah has been bragging for years about capturing Zionist territory, the Seattle anarchists rapidly succeeded in establishing a territorial resistance base in the heart of a major city of the Great Satan.”

RELATED: Palestinians Can’t Believe How Quickly CHAZ Achieved Statehood

Khamenei revealed that he is considering moving “sensitive assets” from Syria and Iran to CHAZ. “The racist aggressors Trump and Netanyahu would never dare to target peaceful Iranian missile takeaways and nuclear rice factories in downtown Seattle.”

Unsurprisingly, Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah expressed much less enthusiasm towards Seattle. “This is unfair. While Hezbollah has been doing the hard and dirty shit work of Iran throughout the Middle East and beyond, the spoiled Seattle amateur brats were enjoying their trendy Iced Caramel Cloud Macchiato, while virtue-signaling on social media. Leave riot and looting to the pros, you little brats.”

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Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police

Syrian President Bashar Assad has offered his own country’s police force to train US law enforcement officers after experts said that it is “woefully undertrained” on using force. Assad, who has a soft spot for minority rights, spoke to The Mideast Beast about his concerns for America’s future. “It’s very crucial that US authorities quickly The post Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police

Syrian President Bashar Assad has offered his own country’s police force to train US law enforcement officers after that it is “woefully undertrained” on using force. Assad, who has a soft spot for minority rights, spoke to The Mideast Beast about his concerns for America’s future.

“It’s very crucial that US authorities quickly restore law and order, or they could have a new civil war and even genocide on their hands. I have some experience in the field, and even though that whole internal misunderstanding made us ready for Covid-19 with permanent social distancing, generally speaking it’s a bit of a bother.  I am uniquely positioned to dispense advice on how to restore order, as I did it almost all by myself with just a little help from my Russian and Iranian masters friends.”

Assad also told The Mideast Beast that he was concerned about the recent police shooting of a black unarmed man, Rayshard Brooks, in Atlanta.

“The recent shooting of Rayshard Brooks in Atlanta is an outrage. There must be a full investigation and immediate execution of the responsible police officer for inefficient use of bullets. In Syria, where our economy is going through a bit of a challenge, we would have taken Brooks to the nearest building and simply defenestrated him. It’s cheap, foolproof, and a pretty cool experiment in gravitational force. In general, I don’t think that US police have the right attitude. When you shoot, always aim to kill at least two people per bullet”.

The post Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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