Israel to host 2022 Winter Olympics

In a surprising turn of events, Israel has been announced as the host of the 2022 Winter Olympics. An IOC spokesperson explained the decision “We at the IOC believe it is important to please everyone, all of the time. Human rights abuses aren’t very nice, are they? We didn’t really like the look of Kazakhstan The post Israel to host 2022 Winter Olympics appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Israel to host 2022 Winter Olympics

In a surprising turn of events, Israel has been announced as the host of the 2022 Winter Olympics.

An IOC spokesperson explained the decision “We at the IOC believe it is important to please everyone, all of the time. Human rights abuses aren’t very nice, are they? We didn’t really like the look of Kazakhstan – we watched ‘Borat’ about 3 times before coming to that decision. And while we all agree that Chinese takeout is the best, we don’t really want to see the actual process behind it. Namely children, sweatshops, and meat that we in the West generally refer to as ‘pets’.”

RELATED: Israel Announces Plan to Build 2,000 Hurdles in East Jerusalem

“We believe that holding the Winter Olympics in Israel will be an easy way of uniting the International Community, as we all unanimously hate that pesky little country. Though to be honest, we’re pretty sure that many aren’t even sure why they hate Israel. Eh, bygones. What matters is that everyone’s happy. Plus do bear in mind that Israel gets to be in the Eurovision Song Contest, and I want to emphasize ‘Euro’, so this place is certainly used to some odd decisions.”

“And once we told the Arab League that Olympic events usually bankrupt the host country, they were fully on board. Done!”

Addressing the claims that hosting will be problematic due to the lack of snow in Israel, a Knesset spokesperson told The Mideast Beast: “We’ll be importing it from Assville, Colorado. The US is totally up for us to host the games. We’ve never seen them so excited and pushy.”

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Israel Announces Plan to Build 2,000 Hurdles in East Jerusalem

In a move the Palestinian Authority is calling, ‘the most perfect metaphor in history,’ this morning the Israeli government released a statement announcing their intention to build 2,000 hurdles in East Jerusalem in preparation for the day when the Summer Olympic Games will be held in Israel. Construction will take place by the end of The post Israel Announces Plan to Build 2,000 Hurdles in East Jerusalem appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Israel Announces Plan to Build 2,000 Hurdles in East Jerusalem

In a move the Palestinian Authority is calling, ‘the most perfect metaphor in history,’ this morning the Israeli government released a statement announcing their intention to build 2,000 hurdles in East Jerusalem in preparation for the day when the Summer Olympic Games will be held in Israel. Construction will take place by the end of the month, and Israel maintains that the new structures will serve as training tools for Olympic athletes. This claim didn’t convince the PA however, as they condemned the move.

RELATED: Israel to host 2022 Winter Olympics

We asked the Mayor of Jerusalem whether he thought this latest round of construction in the sensitive area of East Jerusalem would be a detriment to resumption of peace talks. “No, these structures will not be a hurdle – I mean, yes, they are literally hurdles, but no, I don’t think they’ll be… obstacles to restarting peace talks with the Palestinians.” When asked for comment, a PA spokesperson simply said, “I don’t get it, Israel has only ever won a single gold medal at the Olympics. A few new hurdles won’t undo a thousand years of Jews not being very good at sports.”

The post Israel Announces Plan to Build 2,000 Hurdles in East Jerusalem appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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