My friend keeps ditching me for her boyfriend

So you and your friend were besties. You did everything together. You took vacations together, went out for dinner together, planned nights out together and even spent the holidays together. Then all of a sudden your friend gets boyfriend and she ditches you to do... The post My friend keeps ditching me for her boyfriend appeared first on Dating and Other Stories.

My friend keeps ditching me for her boyfriend

So you and your friend were besties. You did everything together. You took vacations together, went out for dinner together, planned nights out together and even spent the holidays together.

Then all of a sudden your friend gets boyfriend and she ditches you to do everything with him. Suddenly the texts get less frequent, she takes ages to respond and she doesn’t have time for you anymore. When she does meet up, she brings him to the things you’ve planned together, making you feel like a third wheel.

When your friend gets a boyfriend and you’re still single it can be tough, but it’s even tougher if your friend gets overly attached to the people she dates.

While it’s normal fo the dynamic of a friendship to change slightly when one of you gets a boyfriend, it’s not normal if your friend starts lying, withholding information and ditching plans.

It’s one thing for your friend to want to have some alone time with her boyfriend, but it’s not OK if she starts to have zero consideration for your feelings. Unfortunately some girls are just like this. They disappear as soon as they meet a guy, then resurface when it all goes horribly wrong. For a while you console them, hit the dance floor with them, have girly sleepovers and plan trips to help them get over it. Then all of a sudden, they start acting weird and ditch you again because they’ve announced they’re back with their ex.

Not only does it suck to be single and have your friend rubbing it in your face that they have a boyfriend, it also just sucks to feel like you’re the backup plan in case plans fall through with the boyfriend.

If you find your friend starts being flakey about making plans with you, or cancelling and giving made up excuses, then it’s time to have a chat with her that it’s bothering you. If you feel disrespected it’s important to speak up.

What to say if your friend keeps ditching you for her boyfriend

It’s important to try to have these conversations when you’re sober and both relaxed. Definitely don’t do it after a night out of drinking or when tension is running high.

In person, tell her how you feel. Try not to make accusations, instead start your sentences with “i feel”. Describe your feelings, then state the action she took to make you feel that way. For example, if you had plans to go for dinner but she said “let’s rain check” because she has tons of work to do, but then you later learn it’s because she really wanted to go and meet her boyfriend after work, then tell her how that made you feel. Tell her you felt disrespected because of that action.

Try to keep it about the actions and don’t launch into how much you dislike her new boyfriend, even if you really can’t stand him. If you go that route, she’s likely to get defensive and side with her boyfriend even more. Focus on the actions that made you feel ditched, and not on her boyfriend.

After you’ve told her how you feel, tell her that you understand her perspective. Tell her that you realize she’s excited about having a new boyfriend but that it’s important to keep some balance and have time for friends and other things. Suggest some solutions for the friendship going forward.

For example, if she keeps lying to you when it comes to making plans, tell her that you’d appreciate it if she’s honest. Tell her that you’d rather she says she has plans with her boyfriend, than be indecisive and leave you hanging.

It’s scary and uncomfortable to have these types of conversations but sometimes it’s necessary to clear the air. Don’t become hostile or preface the conversation with “we need to talk”. Aim to have the conversation when you’re in a decent mood and speak with a calm, friendly tone. Don’t treat her like your enemy and try to stick to the facts.

If your friend continues to ditch plans and doesn’t make any changes after the conversation, then it might be time to take a step back, distance yourself from the situation and go and make some new friends. While it sucks that a boyfriend could come between a friendship, it’s not worth trying to hold onto a friendship if it’s constantly making you feel used, or like an afterthought. There are plenty of ways you can make friends, from starting new hobbies to attending networking events.

Sometimes people need to learn that you won’t always be waiting in the wings for them. If they choose to neglect their friendships in favor of a boyfriend, they shouldn’t be surprised if the friendships soon fail.

The post My friend keeps ditching me for her boyfriend appeared first on Dating and Other Stories.

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“Our tastes are quite alternative” – Christian Connection couples talk about shared interests

Shared interests matter. Sometimes looking for a good match online can feel like searching for a tiny fish in a very big pond. Having faith in common is a given, but ideally you’d like to meet someone who shares – or at least appreciates - your hobbies and concerns too. It can feel a bit risky to add your likes to your profile – will there be anyone else who appreciates bird spotting or paddleboarding? But couples who’ve met through Christian Connection tell us time and time again how important it was to see favourite music, films and places, among other things. It was also a great way to break the ice in a first message.

“Our tastes are quite alternative” – Christian Connection couples talk about shared interests
Manuel and Pauline met on Christian Connection

Manuel and Pauline, also seen above on their wedding day

Manuel and Pauline met through the site, and discovered they had some unusual shared interests: “Before we met, we never thought we would ever get married, as we’d been single for a very, very long time. We started talking on Christian Connection, our profiles had theology, New York City and the music band Deftones in common.”

Josh first contacted Joanna after searching for someone who enjoyed board games, and they married in 2017: “Our first meeting was a bit awkward, but we were both much more relaxed when we met up for a second time!”

Colin and Emma “met through Christian Connection and a mutual love of Frasier! We got engaged in May 2018 and are planning our wedding for next August. We are both so grateful to Christian Connection – we are both romantically very shy and so it was a big help. Colin and I are very different (apart from the Frasier thing!) but somehow it just works.”

Darren and Michaela get married after meeting on Christian Connection and realising they had shared interests

Darren and Michaela

Unexpected shared interests!

For Darren and Michaela, their unique mix of interests brought them together: “We were both a bit reluctant and embarrassed. Neither of us was convinced it could work, as our tastes are quite alternative and neither of us fits into the “nice” Christian role model. Of course, God already had this all worked out, and was planning it all along… Darren was on a free trial when he emailed me in May. We met up after a week or two, and spent long evenings in the pub getting to know each other. We knew we were onto something good when we found out we both had tickets to the same NIN gig.”

Alistair and Heather “found we had loads in common, mainly singing and cycling, but other interests too. We met up for a couple of cycle rides, which both ran way over because we were so busy talking!”

Gilly and Rob met on Christian Connection

Gilly and Rob on their wedding day

Gilly and Rob had similar experience on wheels – and then opened up to each other’s interests. “Having lots of things in common apart from our faith helped. We both love walking and cycling and as I got to know Gilly more I even agreed to go dancing. In return I taught her how to play golf…all be it badly.”

Norma wanted to meet someone with whom she felt she could share an important experience: “I decided to narrow my search to someone who had been widowed like myself, as l felt empathy would be a starting point. Michael’s profile popped up one day and he was widowed and lived a 20 minute drive away so l duly waved and he responded. He has since told me that he had indeed looked at my profile but had felt l was out of his league!”

Anne had also experienced loss before she joined CC: “I joined Christian Connection in June and met with other widows just to share our stories of loss. I became very despondent about meeting someone for a date and decided I was not going to renew my membership in December as it all seemed pointless. At the end of October Mike waved to me.” They married in 2012, and she adds, “We have the blessing of our respective children, 6 in total!”

Updating your profile to include your interests is easy. Think about the activities you’d like to share with a partner – or include something you’ve already tried and want to improve at – a great idea for a date, too. You may connect with someone who likes many of the same things or be intrigued by someone’s existing interests.

And, if you’ve met someone on Christian Connection, don’t forget to let us know!

Source : Christian Connection More   

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