NSW Pulls Forward 50,000 Doses Of Pepper Spray

"We're dealing with a growing outbreak of fuckheadery"

NSW Pulls Forward 50,000 Doses Of Pepper Spray

NSW has urgently pulled forward extra doses of pepper spray to help deal with a growing outbreak of fuckheadery in central Sydney.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian said she had asked other state Premiers to divert supplies to NSW, but so far her requests had fallen on deaf ears. Victorian Premier Dan Andrews said he needed to hang on to supplies to deal with fuckwits in his own state.

Experts say supplies of intelligence were also in drastically short supply.

Health Minister Brad Hazzard said dickheads could expect to feel the full force of the law. “Anyone seen punching a horse, or thinking about punching a horse will be tracked down in the fourth quarter of the calendar year and prosecuted.”

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With Adam Reakes

Source : The Shovel More   

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BREAKING: 2,000 New Cases Of Fuckwit Confirmed In Sydney

“It’s very much centred on the individual”

BREAKING: 2,000 New Cases Of Fuckwit Confirmed In Sydney

The number of new cases of Fuckwit in Sydney has hit four figures, with several similar outbreaks reported across the country.

A cluster of confirmed cases of Fuckwit – also known as ‘Dumbfuck’ or ‘Selfish Wanker’ – was first spotted at the CBD and has since spread to other locations.

Experts are divided on whether they are in fact new cases, with some arguing these people have been Fuckwits all along. “This is just a case of the data catching up with the reality,” one expert said.

Epidemiologists say Fuckwit is not like other infections. “Unlike other viruses, which spread from human to human contact, Fuckwit is, by nature, a virus which occurs only when you think entirely of yourself and no-one else,” one epidemiologist said. “It’s very much centred on the individual”.

She said those suffering from Fuckwit had a range of strange beliefs. “They are having a whinge about getting vaccinated, which is ironic because you’d think they’d be used to being around massive pricks”.

Source : The Shovel More   

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