Perth Man In Crowded Pub Wondering If He’ll Ever Enjoy Freedoms Of Gold Standard NSW

"Speak up, can't hear you!"

Perth Man In Crowded Pub Wondering If He’ll Ever Enjoy Freedoms Of Gold Standard NSW

Struggling to be heard over the noise of the packed front bar, Perth man George Ranaford last night asked his friends if they reckon they’ll ever get to the point where they can have 10 people over to their house, like they can in national leader New South Wales.

“Did you hear New South Wales is leading the nation out of COVID?” Ranaford shouted, accidentally spilling beer as he jostled for space in the standing-room-only venue.

“Speak up, can’t hear you!” his friends replied, wondering if he was maybe talking about the festival they’d bought tickets to for next weekend.

“I said New South Wales is leading the nation – that’s what their new Premier said,” he repeated, finally finding a quieter spot for the group at the back of the pub.

“Like I told you at Tash’s house party last weekend, they can have 1 person per 4 square metres at a pub when they’re sitting down. Something to look forward to,” he said, standing to one side to allow another group to walk past.

“I’ve heard they can have haircuts too,” Ranaford’s friend Hugh added. “Gold standard haircuts”.  

Source : The Shovel More   

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Perrottet Launches New “Daddy Dom” Nickname, Forgets To Google It First

"The BDSM community welcomes the new premier to office"

Perrottet Launches New “Daddy Dom” Nickname, Forgets To Google It First

Looking to channel the success of other political nicknames such as ‘ScoMo’, ‘Albo’ and ‘State-Daddy-McGowen’, NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet today told supporters they could refer to him as ‘Daddy Dom’, forgetting to first Google the term, or at the very least alert the NSW BDSM community.

The Premier realised his oversight after the bondage and sadomasochism community welcomed him into office as the first “sex-positive, conservative-Catholic premier”, sending a range of leather and latex gifts to mark the occassion.

Finally Googling the term and feeling crushed by Catholic guilt, Perrottet quickly tried to walk back the nickname, giving away free pizza to all voters in the hope that “Dominos Dom” might stick instead.

However, the move was too late with #DaddyDom already trending on social media, as more of his press conferences were uploaded to PornHub.

A statement from the Premier’s office was released today apologising to his supporters for the confusion. “Mr. Perrottet regrets informing the people of New South Wales that he is neither leather nor latex daddy. Although, figuratively speaking, he is certainly keen to fuck the state”.

By Chris Auld

Source : The Shovel More   

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