“QANTAS Unaware Of Bikie Infiltration” Alan ‘Mad-Dog’ Joyce Says, Announcing New All-Leather Uniform

"These claims are false" Alan Joyce, who asked to be addressed as 'Mad-Dog' said

“QANTAS Unaware Of Bikie Infiltration” Alan ‘Mad-Dog’ Joyce Says, Announcing New All-Leather Uniform

Recent intelligence reports suggesting that organised crime groups had infiltrated QANTAS are untrue, CEO Alan Joyce – who asked to be addressed as ‘Mad-Dog’ – told a media conference today.

Joyce was forced to answer questions about the allegations at the media conference, which was originally called to launch a sleek new leather jacket addition to QANTAS uniforms.

“These allegations are false,” Mr Joyce said, itching his neck where a new tattoo had been freshly inked.

“QANTAS has some of the strictest background checks of any Australian airline, and I have every confidence in my newly appointed HR managers, Jimmy One-Eye, Mudpig and Brick to see that appropriate care is taken reviewing our personnel files for any discrepancies.”

Joyce said the new uniforms were already being worn by flight attendants and ground crew. “We’re also excited to announce the replacement of the baggage trucks with some chromed-out Harley-Davidson Fat Boys.” 

When asked by one reporter if QANTAS shareholders would approve of this increased spending during the COVID-19 pandemic, Joyce flicked his cigarette butt at their chest before referring any further questions to his assistant, Hamish ‘The Hammer’ Wilson.

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By Chris Auld

Source : The Shovel More   

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Ellie Kemper Apologizes for Controversial ‘Al Qaeda Beauty Pageant’

Actress Ellie Kemper is once again apologizing for her youthful indiscretion after it emerged that the star appeared in Al Qaeda’s 1999 ‘Queen of the Jihad’ debutante ball. Kemper, known for her roles in Bridesmaids, The Office, and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, said she knew little about the terror group when she participated in the The post Ellie Kemper Apologizes for Controversial ‘Al Qaeda Beauty Pageant’ appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Ellie Kemper Apologizes for Controversial ‘Al Qaeda Beauty Pageant’

Actress Ellie Kemper is once again apologizing for her youthful indiscretion after it emerged that the star appeared in Al Qaeda’s 1999 ‘Queen of the Jihad’ debutante ball.

Kemper, known for her roles in Bridesmaids, The Office, and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, said she knew little about the terror group when she participated in the pageant.

“All I knew was that these guys were really religious, they wore black with everything, and they wanted to restore something called ‘Cali’s Fate,’ whatever that was,” Kemper said. “I know that ignorance is not an excuse, but I never would have gotten involved if I knew they were planning to do 9/11 and stuff.”

It is the second apology Kemper has had to issue this week. She previously apologized for attending a ball founded by former Confederate officers.

“I just liked wearing those little tiaras,” she explained. “How was I supposed to know that the people giving them to me were Klansmen and jihadis?”

As of press time, Kemper was also discovered to have also taken second prize in the 1997 “Milosevic Ball.”

The post Ellie Kemper Apologizes for Controversial ‘Al Qaeda Beauty Pageant’ appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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