Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister

With Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu failing to form his right-wing government, former Georgia state legislator Stacey Abrams has declared herself the new premiere and has started to form her cabinet. Abrams, who was not on any ballot and has never been to Israel, insisted that she would have been unanimously elected if not for The post Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister

With Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu failing to form his right-wing government, former Georgia state legislator Stacey Abrams has declared herself the new premiere and has started to form her cabinet.

Abrams, who was not on any ballot and has never been to Israel, insisted that she would have been unanimously elected if not for blatant voter suppression.

“These Israelis would have voted for me if not for all these racists laws that kept me off the ballot,” Abrams explained. “Not only does Israel require a photo ID to vote, but to run for office in Israel, you have to live in or be a citizen of the county. Talk about Jim Crow!”

RELATED: Biden Orders Invasion of Republic of Georgia over New Voting Laws

Abrams said that she had called Israeli President Reuven Rivlin and pre-emptively accepted his mandate to start putting together a coalition.

“It’s going to be tough to serve as Prime Minister of Israel when I’m already busy as governor of Georgia,” Abrams said. “But I believe I will be an effective leader and will successfully negotiate a peace deal with Palestinian leadership. Unless, in the highly unlikely event, they rig their elections too.”

The post Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’

BOSTON, MA – Senator Elizabeth Warren has released her third memoir and 12th book overall, Persist. In the memoir, a copy of which was obtained by BeetPress, Warren acknowledged publicly – now […] The post The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’ appeared first on BeetPress Satire.

The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’

BOSTON, MA – Senator Elizabeth Warren has released her third memoir and 12th book overall, Persist. In the memoir, a copy of which was obtained by BeetPress, Warren acknowledged publicly – now months later – that maybe she “wasn’t good enough” for American voters to win the 2020 democratic primary. Here are some other shocking revelations from Warren’s new memoir.

  • Persisted just long enough to ruin Bernie Sanders’ chances for the nomination
  • Big, structural changes made by Warren and husband Bruce Mann to a Massachusetts investment property resulted in the building being condemned by the city of Charlestown
  • Is actually only 1/4 Cherokee
  • Claims that a Bernie Bro once kicked Bailey
  • Jacob Wohl accusation that she once flew a 24-year old Marine-turned-escort she had met on the website www.cowboys4angels.com to Massachusetts to participate in sadomasochist ritualistic sex that left the former Marine permanently scarred is in fact true. 
  • Likes taking selfies
  • Made up the whole story about Bernie Sanders telling her that a woman can’t be president in a desperate attempt to slow Sanders’s momentum in the 2020 Democratic Primaries and bolster her own flailing campaign 
  • Still aspires to not be chosen for Vice President in 2024

The post The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’ appeared first on BeetPress Satire.

Source : Beet Press More   

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