Ten Headlines Overlooked in Local Newspapers Because People Were Too Busy Posting Vaccine Selfies on Instagram

1. Child in Milwaukee Tests Positive for Stink Eye 2. Cat Uses Scratch Post to Get Over Ex 3. Second Cousin Gives Worst Eulogy Ever 4. Six-Year-Old Asks Bartender for Disney on Ice 5. Bride Says Yes to WiFi Connection at the Altar 6. Helicopter Mom Lands on Son’s Report Card 7. Grandmother Mourns Death […] The post Ten Headlines Overlooked in Local Newspapers Because People Were Too Busy Posting Vaccine Selfies on Instagram appeared first on Robot Butt.

Ten Headlines Overlooked in Local Newspapers Because People Were Too Busy Posting Vaccine Selfies on Instagram

1. Child in Milwaukee Tests Positive for Stink Eye

2. Cat Uses Scratch Post to Get Over Ex

3. Second Cousin Gives Worst Eulogy Ever

4. Six-Year-Old Asks Bartender for Disney on Ice

5. Bride Says Yes to WiFi Connection at the Altar

6. Helicopter Mom Lands on Son’s Report Card

7. Grandmother Mourns Death of Her Beloved Home Line

8. Dyson Vacuum Cleaner Unable to Pick Up Child From Daycare

9. Neighbor’s New Elephant Statue Makes Stunning Debut on Veranda

10. Christmas Shopper Finds Amazing Deals Nine Months Before Christmas

The post Ten Headlines Overlooked in Local Newspapers Because People Were Too Busy Posting Vaccine Selfies on Instagram appeared first on Robot Butt.

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Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’. “We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting The post Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’.

“We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting years ago and we’ve been way too embarrassed ever since to ask anyone what a ceasefire is supposed to be, so we’ve just kind of bluffed it. And because the Israelis always look so angry we never got up the courage to ask them. Turns out, a ‘ceasefire’ actually means to cease firing shit. Who knew?”

However, when asked whether they intend to behave any differently in the future now that they understand the definition, Hamas insists that, on the contrary, they hope to carry on as usual. “Yeah, well, just because we know what a ceasefire is doesn’t mean we’re gonna start abiding by it now. Where’s the fun in not firing rockets at Israel? Rockets are our bread and butter. If you realise you’re allergic to sesame, would you stop eating humus, or if you find out homosexuality isn’t a choice would you stop throwing gays off buildings? Some things are just sacred.”

The post Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

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