The Top 10 Ways to Celebrate Being Irish This St. Patrick’s Day

1. Have a kid! Nothing says I’m Irish like having a kid. Don’t worry if this one is only your fourth or fifth – you’ll get there! 2. Repress some memories! There is nothing more Irish than pushing a traumatic memory wayyyyyy down deep and keeping it there until the day you die! 3. Start […] The post The Top 10 Ways to Celebrate Being Irish This St. Patrick’s Day appeared first on Robot Butt.

The Top 10 Ways to Celebrate Being Irish This St. Patrick’s Day

1. Have a kid! Nothing says I’m Irish like having a kid. Don’t worry if this one is only your fourth or fifth – you’ll get there!

2. Repress some memories! There is nothing more Irish than pushing a traumatic memory wayyyyyy down deep and keeping it there until the day you die!

3. Start a fistfight with your father; who the hell does he think he is?

4. Start a fistfight with your priest; where the hell does he get off?

5. Drunkenly tell your kids “you’ll never amount to nothin.” Look at them cry – what are they, children?

6. Find an untapped group of minorities to hate. Just go down to the nearest harbor and yell at whoever gets off the boat.

7. Silently mourn your eight children who all drowned, then rethink your parenting skills.

8. Go shopping for sweaters (the bulkier the better!). The Irish use thick sweaters as protection while fighting parents and/or priests.

9. Feel guilty about something. About what you ask? Who knows or cares!

10. Last but not least… Have fun! That was a test! If you had fun, you’re going to hell!

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