Tips for Making This Year’s Thanksgiving the Saddest Ever

We know this year’s turkey feast may not be like previous years. Maybe you’re not even sure how to celebrate. Maybe you’re all alone. That’s why we’re here with some tips on how to truly make this your saddest Thanksgiving ever! Instead of cooking a large meal you’d normally be enjoying with family and friends, […] The post Tips for Making This Year’s Thanksgiving the Saddest Ever appeared first on Robot Butt.

Tips for Making This Year’s Thanksgiving the Saddest Ever

We know this year’s turkey feast may not be like previous years. Maybe you’re not even sure how to celebrate. Maybe you’re all alone. That’s why we’re here with some tips on how to truly make this your saddest Thanksgiving ever!

  • Instead of cooking a large meal you’d normally be enjoying with family and friends, just snack on a bag of raisins. No one has to know.
  • Rather than marveling at the Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons, find something else in the sky to look at, like a bird or a dead tree. Take note of what you’re doing and sigh loudly.
  • Call the Butterball hotline just to vent.
  • Rather than the good feelings you’d get from volunteering at a soup kitchen, pour canned soup in a bowl and leave it outside for anyone who wants it (spoiler: no one will).
  • Instead of running that turkey trot, tell people on social media you did a virtual race but don’t actually do it. Proudly display the medal you didn’t earn next to your vision board.
  • Make a cornucopia centerpiece filled with the shredded paper from the previous eight months of your calendar.
  • In lieu of arguing over politics at an empty dinner table, get your blood boiling by channeling a first responder being denied essential PPE.
  • Break the wishbone and wish you hadn’t made a twenty-pound turkey for yourself because tradition.
  • Instead of going to that football game this year, pretend you’re there by getting drunk in your living room and yelling at the houseplants. Bonus: you won’t be escorted out this time.
  • As an alternative to loosening your pants after the big meal, loosen your hold on the idea that you were entitled to this gorgefest of a holiday for eternity.
  • Eat an entire Costco pumpkin pie by yourself, then go into the bathroom, look into the mirror, and tell yourself what you just did.
  • Trace your hand as if drawing a turkey, but don’t add any of the detail work. Place your hand on the paper and tell yourself it’s the comforting touch of another human being.
  • Say what you’re truly thankful for: the understanding, patient angels working the Butterball hotline.

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