US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of former US President Trump’s decision to move the US embassy, or the recent violent clashes in the Old City, or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that The post US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of former US President Trump’s decision to move the US embassy, or the recent violent clashes in the Old City, or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that it will take a decision of the US Supreme Court to decide where in the world the city is positioned.

“We were happy just ticking along and getting things done until we found out that there was a case going before the US Supreme Court to decide whether this kid could have ‘Jerusalem, Israel’ on his passport,” one official told The Mideast Beast.

“To be honest, up until then we hadn’t ever thought about it. After all, international mail has always arrived and tourists seem to know how to get here – so we didn’t see it as a problem,” he continued.

“But this has blown our minds Apparently the US State Department doesn’t know if we’re in Israel or Palestine or Outer Fucking Mongolia. That’s pretty serious,” the official added.

Officials in the city are concerned that they will now have to wait on a decision from the top US judges to decide where they are. “It’s pretty important to us,” another official said. “We’ve had to set aside a budget in case we need to change all the local government stationery and get the phones redirected.”

There are worries that the notoriously oddball US Supreme Court may decide that Jerusalem isn’t anywhere in order to keep the hippy dippy liberals in the State Department happy. “What happens then,” asked local Israeli hipster poet Tomer Saha, “What happens if I’m travelling through an airport when the judges reach a decision? I don’t want to end up like Tom Hanks in that box-office bomb of a Hollywood movie.”

Who knew Israel and the Palestinians rely so much on the United States?

The post US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Source : The Mideast Beast More   

What's Your Reaction?

like
0
dislike
0
love
0
funny
0
angry
0
sad
0
wow
0

Next Article

Who Would Be a Better SNL Host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret?

On April 24, NBC announced via Twitter the final three hosts of Saturday Night Live’s 46th season: Keegan-Michael Key, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Elon Musk. Now, if you’re like me and thought the announcement that Elon Musk would be hosting SNL was a fever dream, you’ve probably spent the last week deliciously stalking the Tesla CEO’s Twitter, wondering […] The post Who Would Be a Better SNL Host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret? appeared first on Robot Butt.

Who Would Be a Better SNL Host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret?

On April 24, NBC announced via Twitter the final three hosts of Saturday Night Live’s 46th season: Keegan-Michael Key, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Elon Musk.

Now, if you’re like me and thought the announcement that Elon Musk would be hosting SNL was a fever dream, you’ve probably spent the last week deliciously stalking the Tesla CEO’s Twitter, wondering just how greatly Musk will manage to mess this opportunity up. In fact, it got me thinking. 

If Elon Musk can host SNL, who’s to say a marshy mammal can’t?

I’m not saying Musk is bad at comedy per se, but I think he has a few very viable opponents, most notably the beaver that haunts my local river. I call him Frank and we’re currently in a massive disagreement over the immigration crisis. But lately, I’ve been getting the sense lately that Frank isn’t being completely honest with me. His wife went missing a few weeks ago, and in all seriousness, Frank is a little too calm, if you know what I mean.

Despite Frank’s possible murder, I think he would make an excellent SNL host. In fact, I’ve taken the liberty of comparing the two opponents’ skill sets, and after a scientific review of all components, I’d have to say it’s a tough call.

Meeting with the Writers

Musk has already tweeted out some pretty terrible sketch ideas, including one he calls “Baby Shark Tank.” On the other hand, Frank actually got his degree in creative writing from Penn State.

Rehearsals

Has anyone ever seen Elon Musk perform any sort of theater production? No? Well, Frank actually served as the president for a college improv troupe during his undergrad. I have to say, he’s got some dam good moves.

Monologue

Sure, Elon will probably talk about Grimes, and his kid, [REDACTED]. He’ll probably joke about being rich and owning all the fancy, successful companies. He may even bring in a special guest (I’ve heard Ghislaine Maxwell has been mysteriously released from prison), but he lacks the emotional depth of a man who has murdered his wife and covered it up. FRANK, on the other hand…

Sketches

Is Elon even capable of laughing at his own expense? For one, he called the sketches “skits” on Twitter. Frank puts on an act every day, attempting to live a life without the guilt of his harrowing crime. He’s a born performer.

Goodbyes

Would anyone stick around to see Elon Musk wave goodbye, flanked by disapproving cast members? Probably not. Would everyone tune in to see a beaver with a dark secret somehow host Saturday Night Live? It’s certainly possible.

My money’s on Frank.

The post Who Would Be a Better SNL Host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret? appeared first on Robot Butt.

Source : Robot Butt More   

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies.