Was Mailing AOC My Jeans a Bad Idea?

Readers, I know I usually use this time to report on political affairs, but today I come to you with a simple question: Was mailing United States representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez my blue jeans a bad idea? It feels weird to even ask, especially considering how confident I felt when I was passing them to the […] The post Was Mailing AOC My Jeans a Bad Idea? appeared first on Robot Butt.

Was Mailing AOC My Jeans a Bad Idea?

Readers, I know I usually use this time to report on political affairs, but today I come to you with a simple question: Was mailing United States representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez my blue jeans a bad idea?

It feels weird to even ask, especially considering how confident I felt when I was passing them to the FedEx delivery driver, but now that I’ve done some internal reflecting, I think I may have made a mistake. My life hasn’t really gotten worse in the days since mailing the denim trousers, but things are for sure different.

I’ve noticed that with my only pair of blue jeans now belonging to the New York congresswoman, I’m having trouble finding pants I own that match my flannel shirts. I’m also noticing that I get a couple of extra looks in the office for still wearing business-casual khakis on casual Fridays.

Worst of all, I realized too late that the $20 bill my grandma gave me for my birthday was still in the pocket of the jeans. This is extra frustrating, as I never intended to send something with monetary value to AOC, only the Levi’s Classic Workman jeans.

I’d like to think that the American politician would quickly realize the twenty dollars is not part of the jeans and send it back, but I admittedly don’t know her that well and have no way to know if she checked the pockets.

So I come to you, my last chance at correcting this whole thing, with a big ask. Would anyone be willing to lend me a pair of jeans so that I can send them to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? I plan to put a note in the pocket requesting she send my twenty dollars back. No need to worry, I would ask that she put the bill into your jeans and mail them back to me. Then I would forward the jeans back to you, freshly laundered. It’s really a no-brainer on your end.

I implore you to consider sending me your pair of blue jeans, because if no one is willing to help me, I will be forced to send AOC a pair of my shorts, which I think would send a weird message.

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UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien

The United Nations has come out in defense of Hamas, saying that the governing militant group cannot be held responsible for rockets striking Israel since the group’s fighters were on ambien when they fired them. “While we condemned Israel’s unprovoked attacks against Palestinian protesters yesterday, Hamas must be excused for firing rockets into Israeli neighborhoods The post UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien

The United Nations has come out in defense of Hamas, saying that the governing militant group cannot be held responsible for rockets striking Israel since the group’s fighters were on ambien when they fired them.

“While we condemned Israel’s unprovoked attacks against Palestinian protesters yesterday, Hamas must be excused for firing rockets into Israeli neighborhoods and kindergartens,” a statement from the UN Human Rights Council declared. “It was a Friday night and they were Ambien firing.”

The council also defended the militant group’s founding charter, including passages saying that the day of judgement will only come when Muslims kill all the Jews.

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“Clearly, these less conciliatory passages were written while Hamas was on Ambien,” former UNHCR Commissioner Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein said. “They were Ambien chartering.”

While blasting the UN’s conclusions, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu urged prosecutors in Israel to drop corruption charges against him and his wife, as any use of public money for personal benefit took place while the couple was on Ambien. “We’re not corrupt, we’re just idiots“, Netanyahu said.

The post UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

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