Who Would Be a Better SNL host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret?

On April 24, NBC announced via Twitter the final three hosts of Saturday Night Live’s 46th season: Keegan-Michael Key, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Elon Musk. Now, if you’re like me and thought the announcement that Elon Musk would be hosting SNL was a fever dream, you’ve probably spent the last week deliciously stalking the Tesla CEO’s Twitter, wondering […] The post Who Would Be a Better SNL host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret? appeared first on Robot Butt.

Who Would Be a Better SNL host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret?

On April 24, NBC announced via Twitter the final three hosts of Saturday Night Live’s 46th season: Keegan-Michael Key, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Elon Musk.

Now, if you’re like me and thought the announcement that Elon Musk would be hosting SNL was a fever dream, you’ve probably spent the last week deliciously stalking the Tesla CEO’s Twitter, wondering just how greatly Musk will manage to mess this opportunity up. In fact, it got me thinking. 

If Elon Musk can host SNL, who’s to say a marshy mammal can’t?

I’m not saying Musk is bad at comedy per se, but I think he has a few very viable opponents, most notably the beaver that haunts my local river. I call him Frank and we’re currently in a massive disagreement over the immigration crisis. But lately, I’ve been getting the sense lately that Frank isn’t being completely honest with me. His wife went missing a few weeks ago, and in all seriousness, Frank is a little too calm, if you know what I mean.

Despite Frank’s possible murder, I think he would make an excellent SNL host. In fact, I’ve taken the liberty of comparing the two opponents’ skill sets, and after a scientific review of all components, I’d have to say it’s a tough call.

Meeting with the Writers

Musk has already tweeted out some pretty terrible sketch ideas, including one he calls “Baby Shark Tank.” On the other hand, Frank actually got his degree in creative writing from Penn State.

Rehearsals

Has anyone ever seen Elon Musk perform any sort of theater production? No? Well, Frank actually served as the president for a college improv troupe during his undergrad. I have to say, he’s got some dam good moves.

Monologue

Sure, Elon will probably talk about Grimes, and his kid, [REDACTED]. He’ll probably joke about being rich and owning all the fancy, successful companies. He may even bring in a special guest (I’ve heard Ghislaine Maxwell has been mysteriously released from prison), but he lacks the emotional depth of a man who has murdered his wife and covered it up. FRANK, on the other hand…

Sketches

Is Elon even capable of laughing at his own expense? For one, he called the sketches “skits” on Twitter. Frank puts on an act every day, attempting to live a life without the guilt of his harrowing crime. He’s a born performer.

Goodbyes

Would anyone stick around to see Elon Musk wave goodbye, flanked by disapproving cast members? Probably not. Would everyone tune in to see a beaver with a dark secret somehow host Saturday Night Live? It’s certainly possible.

My money’s on Frank.

The post Who Would Be a Better SNL host: Elon Musk or a Beaver with a Dark Secret? appeared first on Robot Butt.

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Looking to Solidify Superpower Status, China Set to Occupy Afghanistan

Declaring it a sacred tradition his country is proud to inherit, Chinese President Xi Jinping announced Friday his military is preparing for an invasion and a minimum decade-long occupation of Afghanistan. The announcement came after President Biden announced a full troop withdrawal and an end to the U.S.’s “forever war” in the country last month. The post Looking to Solidify Superpower Status, China Set to Occupy Afghanistan appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Looking to Solidify Superpower Status, China Set to Occupy Afghanistan

Declaring it a sacred tradition his country is proud to inherit, Chinese President Xi Jinping announced Friday his military is preparing for an invasion and a minimum decade-long occupation of Afghanistan. The announcement came after President Biden announced a full troop withdrawal and an end to the U.S.’s “forever war” in the country last month.

“As a rising superpower, we accept with great honor our duty to conquer and rule the mountainous tribal nation, just as the British, the Soviet Union, and United States accepted this duty before us,” Mr Xi said. “Following in the footsteps of our predecessors, we will not leave until we have accomplished nothing and turned our budgetary surplus to a gaping deficit.”

RELATED: Biden Promises to Leave Afghanistan by September 11, 3001

Mr Xi admitted the Americans had set the bar high regarding unending occupations of the country, doubling the decade-long Soviet presence which began in 1979. The Chinese leader, however, boldly predicted both the American and Soviet occupations would soon pale in comparison to his country’s efforts, which would “set a whole new standard in unclear or unachievable objectives, military attrition, and futile attempts to consolidate power in the hands of our preferred warlord.”

Mr Xi concluded, “We will not withdraw our forces until our superpower status is clearly in decline.”

While President Biden noted the difficulty in relinquishing the prestigious honor of tenuously controlling the capital city of Kabul, he noted that Americans could draw consolation in remaining unmatched as the most consistent bombers of Iraq for three consecutive decades.

The post Looking to Solidify Superpower Status, China Set to Occupy Afghanistan appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

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